When we hear the word “stress,” it’s usually with a negative connotation. Stress has been cast as the ultimate villain in the story of health and well-being, blamed for everything from sleepless nights to serious health conditions. But what if I told you that stress isn’t always the enemy? In fact, small, manageable doses of stress—whether physical, emotional, or environmental—might actually be one of the keys to resilience, growth, and even longevity. This idea is rooted in a concept called hormesis, which suggests that low-level stressors can toughen us up, activating the body’s natural defenses and preparing us to handle bigger challenges down the road. Stress, in this sense, becomes less of an obstacle and more of a training partner. The Science of Hormesis Hormesis is a fancy term for something we’ve likely all experienced: a little bit of adversity can make us stronger. Biologically, it’s the phenomenon where small doses of something that could be harmful in large amounts actually benefit us. Think of it like a vaccine—introducing a small amount of a pathogen to build immunity. In terms of longevity, hormetic stressors like mild heat exposure, calorie restriction, or physical exercise trigger survival mechanisms in the body. These mechanisms activate repair processes, improve cellular function, and, in some cases, extend lifespan. Take caloric restriction, for example. By periodically eating less (or fasting), organisms from yeast to humans activate a survival response that improves resilience. Studies show that this kind of “dietary stress” stimulates cellular repair mechanisms, increases stress resistance, and can promote a longer, healthier life. It’s one of the reasons I personally do several multi-day fasts each year—they aren’t easy, but the payoff for my body feels worth it. Exercise: The Classic Hormetic Stressor Exercise is the most familiar form of hormetic stress. Everyone knows that working out puts stress on your body: your muscles ache, your heart races, and your body burns energy. But here’s the thing: this temporary stress pushes your body to adapt. Over time, regular exercise strengthens your muscles, improves cardiovascular health, and even boosts your brain function. What’s more, this stress teaches your body to deal with oxidative damage—a natural byproduct of energy production. Exercise essentially trains your body to repair itself better and faster, making you more resilient not only in the gym but in life. Emotional and Psychological Stress: The Unexpected Ally Not all stress comes from the gym or the dinner plate. Life throws plenty of emotional and psychological curveballs our way, and while chronic stress can be harmful, short-term, manageable stressors can actually help us grow. Take the concept of post-traumatic growth. People who’ve faced adversity often come out the other side stronger, with a deeper appreciation for life, stronger relationships, and a sense of resilience. Edith Eger, a Holocaust survivor and psychologist, is one of the most inspiring examples of this. She credits her long and fulfilling life to her ability to accept and grow from the extreme hardships she endured. As she puts it, you don’t need to run from past pain—you can learn from it and use it to move forward. The lesson here? We don’t have to avoid all emotional stress. In fact, leaning into manageable challenges—whether it’s public speaking, taking on a new project, or having a tough conversation—can build confidence and emotional endurance. Environmental Stressors: Hot and Cold for Health Then there’s the stress we can’t see, but can feel—like exposure to heat or cold. These environmental stressors might sound uncomfortable (and they can be), but they can also kickstart powerful adaptive responses. For instance, sauna sessions and cold showers—two extremes of the temperature spectrum—have been shown to improve cardiovascular health and increase stress tolerance. That initial discomfort you feel is your body gearing up its defenses. Over time, it learns to handle stress better, making you tougher both physically and mentally. Dynamic Equilibrium: Finding Your Personal Stress Sweet Spot Here’s the catch: the right amount of stress isn’t the same for everyone, and even for you, it can change over time. This isn’t about finding a static balance; it’s about achieving a dynamic equilibrium—a state where the level of stress you face matches what you’re equipped to handle at any given moment. Some days, you might be ready for a high-intensity workout or a tough mental challenge. Other days, the best you can do might be a short walk or a deep breath. Both are okay. The key is recognizing where you are in that moment and adjusting accordingly. Dynamic equilibrium is about flexibility. It’s knowing that what worked for you last year, last week, or even yesterday might not be the right fit today. It’s about listening to your body and mind, respecting your limits, and embracing stress in doses that challenge you without overwhelming you. Practical Ways to Use Stress for Good Move Your Body Exercise doesn’t have to mean grueling workouts. Start with something sustainable—walks, yoga, or light strength training—and gradually increase intensity. Let your body adapt and grow stronger over time. Eat Less (Sometimes) Consider intermittent fasting or a few calorie-restricted meals under guidance. It’s not about starving yourself but giving your body the occasional stress of working harder to maintain itself. Face Life’s Challenges Head-On Avoiding stress altogether isn’t the goal. Instead, face manageable challenges with tools like mindfulness, therapy, or journaling. Every small victory builds your resilience for the bigger battles. Try Temperature Therapy Brave a cold shower or relax in a sauna. It’s uncomfortable at first, but over time, these environmental stressors can improve your tolerance for discomfort—and your overall health. Stress: A Tool for a Better Life When we rethink stress, we see it not as the enemy but as an ally in disguise. Small, manageable stressors—physical, emotional, or environmental—can strengthen us, build resilience, and ultimately, help us live longer, healthier lives. The trick is in the approach: embrace stress in doses that challenge you without overwhelming you. In doing so, you’ll discover that stress doesn’t have to be a constant battle. Instead, it can be the quiet partner that pushes you to be better, stronger, and more adaptable. So, next time you feel the pinch of stress, don’t run from it. Instead, ask yourself: what is this teaching me? How can this help me grow? You might just find that the stress you once dreaded is actually the key to a better, longer life.

Valentine’s Day may bring to mind chocolates, roses, and candlelit dinners, but love is more than just a fleeting romantic gesture. It turns out, being in a loving relationship isn’t just good for your heart in the figurative sense—it’s also good for your health, literally. From reducing stress to improving longevity, the benefits of love are backed by science, showing that those emotional connections we value so much can also help us live longer and healthier lives. Here’s how love, when it’s healthy and supportive, works its magic on our bodies and minds. Love Lowers Stress Stress, the bad kind, can wreak havoc on our health, contributing to issues like inflammation, high blood pressure, and even a weakened immune system. But love can act as a natural stress reliever. Research shows that people in stable, supportive relationships tend to have lower levels of cortisol, the body’s primary stress hormone. When we feel supported and valued by a partner, our bodies don’t enter the same “fight-or-flight” mode that chronic stress triggers. Something as simple as holding hands with a loved one can significantly lower stress and make us feel calmer. Physical touch, like a hug or even sitting close to someone, also plays a role here. It activates pressure receptors in the skin, which send calming signals to the brain. Ever notice how a hug can instantly make a bad day feel better? That’s love doing its thing, one embrace at a time. Love and Your Heart Love isn’t just about warm, fuzzy feelings—it’s also good for your cardiovascular system. Studies have found that people in loving relationships often have lower blood pressure and a reduced risk of heart disease. One reason for this is emotional support. A partner who listens, encourages, or simply shares the load can help alleviate the stress that often strains the heart. Additionally, people in relationships are more likely to adopt healthier habits, like exercising, eating well, and quitting smoking, often thanks to a little nudge (or occasional nag) from their significant other. When you’re in a healthy relationship, your partner becomes part of your team, actively contributing to your overall health. And that teamwork can do wonders for your heart, both emotionally and physically. The Role of Oxytocin Oxytocin is often called the “love hormone.” It’s released during moments of intimacy—think cuddling, kissing, or even just sharing a good laugh—and it’s a key player in bonding and trust. But oxytocin isn’t just about feeling close to your partner. It also has powerful stress-reducing properties. It lowers blood pressure, soothes anxiety, and fosters feelings of safety and well-being. Essentially, oxytocin acts like a biological shield, helping us feel more secure and resilient in the face of life’s challenges. When oxytocin flows, we’re better equipped to handle emotional or physical stress. This means love doesn’t just make us feel better in the moment—it also strengthens our ability to bounce back when life throws curveballs. Love and Longevity If you’ve ever heard that married people live longer, it’s not just a myth—it’s science. Research consistently shows that people in long-term, loving relationships tend to have longer lifespans. One reason is the cumulative effect of all the health benefits we’ve talked about: reduced stress, better heart health, and stronger resilience. But there’s also a practical side. Partners often act as each other’s health advocates, noticing early warning signs of illness or encouraging timely medical care. For instance, how many times has a spouse or partner insisted their loved one get that odd mole checked or see a doctor about a persistent cough? Those little nudges can literally save lives. Beyond that, companionship itself provides an emotional safety net. Knowing you have someone in your corner can bring a sense of purpose and stability, both of which are tied to greater well-being. The Catch: It’s About Healthy Relationships Of course, not all relationships are created equal. A toxic or unsupportive relationship can do the opposite of all this, raising stress levels and even harming your health. It’s the quality of the connection that matters. Healthy relationships are built on communication, empathy, and mutual respect. They’re don’t need to be perfect—no relationship is—but they need to involve both partners putting in the effort to support one another, even when times get tough. If you’re in a relationship, take time to nurture it. Small gestures of kindness, like a heartfelt compliment or an unexpected hug, can strengthen your bond and amplify the health benefits of your connection. And if you’re not currently in a romantic relationship, don’t worry—many of these benefits can also come from close friendships or family bonds.  Love as Medicine Love, in all its forms, isn’t just good for the soul—it’s good for the body, too. From lowering stress to improving heart health and even adding years to our lives, science confirms what we’ve always felt: love matters. So this Valentine’s Day, as you celebrate with your partner or simply reflect on the love in your life, remember that those connections are powerful. They’re not just making you feel good—they’re making you healthier and stronger, too. Take a moment to appreciate the people who lift you up and, if you’re lucky enough to have someone special, share a little extra love. After all, love might just be the best prescription for a longer, healthier life.

What is the meaning of life? Who am I? These two questions have haunted humanity for centuries, whispered in moments of quiet reflection and shouted into the void in times of crisis. They seem to suggest that there is something waiting out there—something singular, absolute, and universal—just waiting to be uncovered. If only we look hard enough, the thinking goes, we will find the meaning of life and the truth of who we are. But what if we’ve been asking the wrong questions all along? In The Hitchhiker’s Guide to the Galaxy , Douglas Adams hilariously illustrates this point. When the supercomputer Deep Thought is asked to determine the "Answer to the Ultimate Question of Life, the Universe, and Everything," it arrives at the answer: 42. The problem? No one knows what the "Ultimate Question" really is. The absurdity underscores something profound: meaning isn’t handed to us on a silver platter. Often, the questions we ask shape the answers we receive—or reveal that perhaps we’re looking in the wrong place altogether. The Traditional Quest for Meaning and Identity When people ponder the meaning of life, it’s often in the hope of discovering something universal and immutable. Some look to biology, suggesting life’s purpose lies in survival or passing on our genes. Others find purpose in leaving the world a better place or following spiritual beliefs about divine plans. This quest for a singular truth feels comforting—a sense that there’s a cosmic instruction manual waiting to be uncovered. The same is true for identity. From Shakespeare’s famous line "To thine own self be true" to modern self-help mantras about "finding your true self," we’re encouraged to believe there’s a core, unchanging "you" out there. The message is clear: if you haven’t figured out who you are, you need to go looking. This perspective, though common, has its pitfalls. Searching for a universal meaning or a fixed self can become a passive exercise, leaving us frustrated if the answers remain elusive. And what if the answers don’t resonate? What if the "truths" we uncover feel disconnected from who we are—or worse, irrelevant? The Alternative: Creating Meaning and Identity Here’s a liberating idea: what if there is no singular meaning of life, no fixed "you" waiting to be found? Instead, what if the meaning of life and the essence of who we are is something we actively create? When we stop searching for one-size-fits-all answers, we open ourselves up to infinite possibilities. The meaning of life isn’t out there, sitting in some cosmic archive; it’s something we give to our experiences, our relationships, and our choices. Viktor Frankl, a Holocaust survivor and psychiatrist, argued in Man’s Search for Meaning that meaning is not discovered in some abstract sense but is forged in how we respond to life’s challenges. The same is true for identity. Who we are isn’t a singular truth waiting to be uncovered but an ever-evolving combination of our genes, experiences, values, and choices. To say "this is who I am" ignores the dynamic nature of life. The "you" of today isn’t the same as the "you" of five years ago or even five months ago. We’re not static sculptures; we’re works in progress, shaped by the decisions we make and the paths we take. Reframing the Questions Douglas Adams’ Hitchhiker’s Guide reminds us that sometimes the questions matter more than the answers. If "What is the meaning of life?" feels too broad or unanswerable, perhaps we should ask better questions: What gives my life meaning today? What can I contribute to the people and world around me? What small acts bring joy, purpose, or connection to my life? Similarly, instead of asking, Who am I?, we might ask: Who do I want to be? What values do I want to embody? What kind of person do I want to become through my actions and choices? These reframed questions put the power back in our hands. Instead of searching for meaning or identity like a hidden treasure, we can actively shape them in ways that resonate with our unique experiences and aspirations. Practical Steps for Creating Meaning and Identity Reflect and Reevaluate Set aside time regularly to reflect on what truly matters to you. Use prompts like: What do I value most right now? What legacy do I want to build? Be open to change—what mattered last year might not matter now, and that’s okay. Adopt an Active Role Life gains meaning through action. Pursue passions, nurture relationships, and focus on small, tangible ways to create purpose. The same goes for identity: define your values, make conscious choices, and embrace growth. Balance Authenticity with Growth Being true to yourself doesn’t mean staying stagnant. Embrace your current self while allowing space to evolve. We’re not prisoners of our past identities—we’re dynamic beings with the power to change. The Challenges and Rewards of Creation Creating meaning and identity isn’t always easy. It takes effort, self-reflection, and the courage to embrace uncertainty. Yet, these challenges are what make the journey so transformative. The rewards are profound: the empowerment of living with intention, the freedom to chart your own path, and the fulfillment of a life defined on your own terms. When we ask questions like What is the meaning of life? or Who am I?, we can easily fall into an endless search for answers. But, as The Hitchhiker’s Guide to the Galaxy reminds us, perhaps the "answer" itself isn’t the point. What matters is the questions we ask and the meaning we create in response. Life doesn’t come with a universal purpose, and that’s not a failure—it’s an invitation to craft our own. You are not bound by a singular truth about who you are or why you exist. Instead, you hold the extraordinary power to define and redefine both meaning and identity as you grow. So, what question will you choose to answer with your life? Whatever it is, make it yours. Let it guide your actions and infuse your days with purpose, connection, and joy. After all, maybe the real secret is this: your "42" isn’t discovered—it’s created, one choice, one moment, one question at a time.

Imagine spending decades working toward a goal, pouring your heart and soul into it, and then finally achieving it—only to realize it was never what you truly wanted. This isn't the fear of failure; it's the fear of succeeding at the wrong thing. It's the fear of waking up one day, surrounded by accomplishments that don’t resonate with your inner self. This is a story about a friend of mine. By all external metrics, he’s the most successful person I know: a graduate of the best schools, an incredible athlete, financially secure, and blessed with a loving, expansive family. Yet, in his mid-40s, he came to a sobering realization: his accomplishments were largely shaped by what others wanted for him, not what he genuinely desired. For years, he had lived striving to make his parents proud, chasing the validation of others, and neglecting the hard work of asking himself, What do I really want? His story hit me hard. As a parent, I can’t shake the fear of unintentionally steering my daughter down the same path—one where she spends years working toward something only to discover it wasn’t hers to pursue. The Picture of Success and the Shadow Behind It My friend’s life seems like a dream from the outside. He has checked off every box on the “success list.” But that very checklist was the problem: it wasn’t his. His well-meaning parents, like many of us, had created a roadmap they believed would lead to a good life, and he followed it diligently. In conversations with him, I learned the issue for him came not from a lack of achievement but from the realization that he’d been living someone else’s dream. For all the success, he felt disconnected. He admitted he never took the time to figure out what made him happy because he was too busy making others happy. A Personal Fear and a Parenting Revelation That story left me with a nagging worry. As a parent, how do I ensure I’m not unknowingly nudging my daughter toward a life where she feels obligated to live for me or my expectations? One day, while driving with her, this fear surfaced in an unexpected way. She casually said, “I have to swim because you and Mommy were swimmers.” My heart sank. I immediately stopped her: “You don’t have to do anything because of us. This is your life, not ours.” She looked at me, puzzled. I explained that swimming was something her mom and I chose for our lives because we loved it. But she wasn’t here to fulfill our dreams. Her job wasn’t to make us happy; it was to find what she loved and pursue that. It was a pivotal moment, but it didn’t stop there. I realized the conversation couldn’t end with, Do what makes you happy. I had to guide her to the next level: Why do you want it? The “Why” Behind the Want The truth is, even with good intentions, it’s easy to get caught up in pursuing what we think we want—only to find out later it was driven by external expectations. This is why I’m trying to teach my daughter, even at nine years old, to ask why. Why does she want to do X? Why does she want to excel in school or any other activity? At her age, it’s unlikely she’ll have all the answers. But the practice of asking why is essential. It’s a skill that can prevent her from chasing someone else’s dreams and help her build a life that feels authentic. As adults, many of us never learned this skill. We don’t stop to ask why until we’re already well down a path that doesn’t feel quite right. And while it’s never too late to course-correct, the earlier we start this work, the better. The Danger of Deferring Self-Discovery My friend’s story is a cautionary tale. He’s a living example of what happens when you don’t do the internal work to figure out what you truly want. Instead, you default to living for external validation, whether from parents, society, or peers. The longer you defer this self-discovery, the harder it becomes to disentangle your own desires from those imposed by others. As I reflect on his experience, I can’t help but think about how easily this could happen to my daughter—or to me. It’s not enough to set goals or define success. We have to continuously ask ourselves if those goals are aligned with our values and passions. A Call to Action: Start Now The good news is that it’s never too late—or too early—to start this process. The best time to discover your true desires and motivations might have been when you were nine, but the second-best time is now. Whether you’re guiding a child or reflecting on your own path, here are some steps to start: 1. Ask the Hard Questions: Regularly pause to ask yourself (or your child), Why do I want this? What do I hope it will bring me? These questions help clarify whether the pursuit is driven by genuine desire or external pressures. 2. Embrace Iterative Discovery: Finding your path is not a one-time event; it’s an ongoing process. Encourage curiosity and the courage to change course when something doesn’t feel right. 3. Let Go of External Validation: It’s natural to want approval from loved ones, but fulfillment comes from aligning your actions with your own values—not theirs.  4. Model the Journey for Others: As parents, mentors, or friends, the best way to help others find their path is to show them what it looks like to walk yours authentically. The tragedy isn’t failing to reach your goals. The true tragedy is spending years climbing a mountain, only to find it wasn’t the right one. My friend’s story serves as a powerful reminder that success without alignment to one’s true self is hollow. Whether you’re nine or ninety, the journey of self-discovery is always worth taking. As parents, partners, or individuals, our responsibility is to build lives that feel honest and fulfilling—not to chase someone else’s version of success. Start today, ask yourself why, and never stop exploring the answers. Your life—and your happiness—depend on it.

When I first came across the concept of “excellentism” in Future Tense: Why Anxiety is Good for You (Even Though it Feels Bad) by Tracy Dennis-Tiwary, it felt like a lightbulb moment. I had always been familiar with perfectionism—many of us are. But excellentism? The distinction struck a chord. It immediately resonated as a healthier, more sustainable alternative to the pitfalls of perfectionism, and it helped me better articulate the mindset I’ve been striving to embrace. Perfectionism is something my parents told me I struggled with as a child. Back then, I couldn’t leave a project alone until every detail was polished. Today, though, I feel worlds away from that mindset. Maybe it’s because I found my way into the startup world, where “shipped is better than perfect” reigns as gospel. Or maybe my evolved approach to life naturally led me to startups. Either way, I no longer feel trapped by perfectionism, and excellentism has given me the vocabulary to explain why. Excellentism, at its core, isn’t about settling for “good enough,” but about embracing the process of continual improvement. It’s the idea of “perfect” not as a fixed goal but as a verb—something active and ongoing. It’s an approach that aligns with the 80/20 principle of the Pareto Rule, where 80% of the results come from 20% of the effort. While I don’t believe in stopping at that 80%, I also recognize that chasing perfection is often more draining than productive. Understanding Perfectionism Perfectionism is the relentless pursuit of flawlessness, and it’s easy to fall into its trap. It’s the voice in your head that tells you nothing is good enough unless it’s perfect—a voice that often drives procrastination, burnout, and self-doubt. Here’s the problem: perfectionism isn’t just about high standards; it’s often rooted in fear. Fear of failure. Fear of judgment. Fear of losing control. This mindset equates self-worth with achievements, and anything less than perfection can feel like a personal shortcoming. As a child, I remember being consumed by this need to get everything “just right.” It was paralyzing at times, making it difficult to finish projects or even start them. As I grew, I realized the cost of this mindset. It wasn’t sustainable. Enter Excellentism Where perfectionism demands flawlessness, excellentism offers something more liberating: progress. Excellentism is about striving for excellence through ongoing effort and refinement, not by achieving an impossible ideal. The key distinction is that perfectionism views “perfect” as a static and unattainable end state, while excellentism sees it as an active process—a verb, not a noun. It’s about continuous improvement and embracing growth rather than being paralyzed by the fear of imperfection. In my book, Get Out of My Head, I wrote about rejecting “perfect” as an end state and instead focusing on the idea of progress. This philosophy aligns seamlessly with excellentism. It encourages us to do our best, learn from setbacks, and keep moving forward—without letting the pursuit of flawlessness hold us back. Why Excellentism is Better Excellentism isn’t just a softer alternative to perfectionism—it’s a more productive and fulfilling way to live and work. Here’s why: It Encourages Growth Excellentism emphasizes improvement over time. It celebrates the journey rather than fixating on an elusive finish line. It Boosts Productivity By prioritizing meaningful progress, excellentism aligns with the Pareto Principle, which suggests that 80% of the results come from 20% of the effort. It allows us to focus on high-impact work without getting bogged down by diminishing returns. It Builds Resilience Excellentism accepts that mistakes are part of the process. Instead of fearing failure, it encourages us to see setbacks as opportunities to learn and grow. It Fosters Creativity The freedom to experiment and iterate—hallmarks of excellentism—creates a fertile ground for innovation. Perfectionism vs. Excellentism: A Comparison Here’s a quick breakdown of how the two mindsets differ:  How to Embrace Excellentism Whether you’re working to counter perfectionist tendencies or looking to up your game, here are some practical ways to incorporate excellentism into your life: Reframe Your Goals Shift your focus from flawless outcomes to consistent progress. Celebrate incremental improvements and milestones along the way. Adopt the Pareto Principle Identify the 20% of work that delivers 80% of the results. Start there and refine as needed rather than exhausting yourself on diminishing returns. Practice Iterative Progress Break larger projects into smaller, manageable steps. Treat each step as an opportunity to refine and improve. Celebrate Small Wins Acknowledge effort and progress rather than fixating solely on outcomes. This builds momentum and keeps you motivated. Seek Feedback Early and Often Don’t wait for perfection before sharing your work. Feedback helps refine your efforts and reinforces the value of collaboration. Develop a Growth Mindset Embrace challenges and view them as opportunities to learn. A growth mindset is the foundation of excellentism. Redefine “Perfect” Stop chasing an unattainable ideal. Instead, see “perfect” as a verb—a process of continual improvement. Why This Matters In today’s fast-paced world, perfectionism is fueled by social media, constant comparison, and unrealistic expectations. Excellentism offers a counterbalance—a way to aim high without losing yourself in the process. It’s not about settling; it’s about growing. Reflecting on my own journey, I realize how far I’ve come from the child who agonized over perfection. Excellentism has helped me embrace the beauty of progress and the joy of striving for excellence without the weight of fear. If you’ve struggled with perfectionism or feel stuck in a cycle of “good enough,” consider embracing excellentism. It’s not about lowering your standards but shifting your focus to growth and momentum. Excellence isn’t a destination; it’s a journey. And every step forward is worth celebrating.

Parenting is a delicate dance. It often begins with a desire to protect, to shield, to ensure the best for our children. Yet, as I reflect on two thought-provoking books I read over the holidays—The Coddling of the American Mind by Greg Lukianoff and Jonathan Haidt, and Future Tense: Why Anxiety is Good for You (Even Though it Feels Bad) by Tracy Dennis-Tiwary—I’m beginning to wonder if our good intentions might be getting in the way.  Both books make a compelling case for how shielding children from discomfort and stress, while coming from a place of love, can inadvertently stunt their growth. They argue that children are “antifragile,” a concept from Nassim Taleb that suggests humans don’t just endure stress but actually grow stronger through it. When we deny our children the chance to face challenges, we rob them of the critical developmental opportunities they need to thrive in the real world. Overprotection vs. Preparedness As a parent, it’s easy to fall into the trap of overprotection. After all, keeping our kids safe feels like the ultimate act of love. But The Coddling of the American Mind points out how this protective instinct can lead to unintended consequences. By cushioning children from all forms of adversity—whether that’s emotional discomfort or the sting of failure—we deny them the chance to build resilience. Dennis-Tiwary’s Future Tense takes this further, emphasizing that anxiety, though unpleasant, plays an essential role in human development. It pushes us to problem-solve, adapt, and grow. Much like our immune systems need exposure to germs to build defenses, our minds need exposure to challenges to develop strength. Without it, we risk creating a generation unprepared for life’s inevitable difficulties. The Impact of Denying Stressors I think back to my own childhood—wide-open afternoons spent riding bikes with friends, exploring until the streetlights flickered on. My former father-in-law once told me about a two-week bike ride he and a friend took across the UK when they were just twelve. Compare that to today’s parenting culture, where some parents feel uneasy letting their kids play in the front yard unsupervised. Even in my own parenting journey, I catch glimpses of how these shifts manifest. Recently, I asked my nearly nine-year-old daughter what responsibility she would most like to have. Her answer? She wanted to ride the school bus—a routine rite of passage not so long ago but now, for many parents, a source of hesitation. It’s a small but telling example of how much we’ve come to underestimate our children’s ability to handle the world on their own. Why Stress is Good (in Moderation) Research consistently shows that stress isn’t inherently bad. In fact, moderate levels of stress are critical for building emotional regulation, problem-solving skills, and adaptability. When kids face challenges—whether it’s learning to ride a bike, studying for a tough test, or navigating a social conflict—they’re not just surviving; they’re growing. Taleb’s concept of antifragility underscores this beautifully. Resilience is often thought of as bouncing back from hardship, but antifragility goes a step further: it’s about becoming stronger because of it. When we remove all stressors, it’s like raising children in a sterile environment. Sure, they might avoid discomfort in the short term, but they also miss out on building the strength they’ll need for the long haul. Striking the Balance Of course, not all stress is helpful. Too much pressure—whether it’s academic, social, or emotional—can be harmful. The goal is to expose kids to challenges that are appropriate for their age and capacity. This might mean encouraging them to try out for a sports team, manage their homework independently, or solve minor disputes with friends on their own. Both books stress the importance of reframing failure as a growth opportunity. When kids stumble, our instinct is often to jump in and fix the problem. But what if we paused instead? What if we let them wrestle with the issue, offering support only when needed? This approach teaches them that they’re capable of overcoming obstacles—a lesson far more valuable than immediate comfort. Parenting in Action: Building Resilient Kids So how can we, as parents, foster antifragility while still protecting our kids from unnecessary harm? Here are a few actionable steps: Assign Responsibilities Give children tasks that build independence. Whether it’s cooking a simple meal, walking the dog, or riding the school bus, these moments build confidence and capability. Encourage Safe Risk-Taking Let them climb the tree, try the challenging hobby, or explore the neighborhood. Supervise when necessary but resist the urge to hover. Reframe Failure When things don’t go as planned, guide them in reflecting on what they’ve learned. Celebrate the effort, not just the outcome. Model Resilience Kids watch us closely. Show them how you handle stress, setbacks, and uncertainty. Talk openly about challenges and how you’re working through them. Reflecting on Generational Shifts It’s hard not to notice how much parenting norms have shifted over the decades. My generation grew up in an era of exploration and self-reliance, while today’s children often live within carefully curated schedules and monitored environments. While there’s no going back entirely—and perhaps some aspects of modern parenting are improvements—it’s worth reflecting on what we might have lost along the way. By fostering resilience and allowing kids to face controlled challenges, we’re not just preparing them for life beyond the bubble—we’re empowering them to thrive. The Long-Term Vision The world will challenge our children, whether we want it to or not. Our job isn’t to eliminate those challenges but to prepare our kids to meet them head-on. By introducing manageable stressors now, we help them grow into confident, capable adults who can navigate life’s ups and downs. Parenting will always be a balancing act. But perhaps the best way to protect our children is to let go a little, trusting in their antifragility and knowing that the struggles of today are the foundation for their strength tomorrow.

Books are time machines and thought companions, letting us step into the minds of great thinkers, storytellers, and dreamers from across the ages and around the world. In 2024, this has been truer than ever for me. Whether providing solace during challenging moments or sparking new ideas for the future, the books I’ve read this year have been constant sources of inspiration and learning. This year’s reads spanned a variety of topics, from health and leadership to mythology and navigating life’s transitions. As 2024 comes to a close, I’m excited to share my favorite books from the past 12 months. Whether you're looking to build your reading list for 2025 or just seeking your next great book, I hope these recommendations resonate with you as they have with me. Timeless Wisdom for Life and Leadership Poor Charlie's Almanack: The Wit and Wisdom of Charles T. Munger by Charlie Munger Finally reprinted after Munger’s passing, this book is brimming with wisdom. It’s a treasure trove I know I’ll revisit frequently—a master class in clear thinking and practical philosophy from one of the brightest minds of our time. Right Thing, Right Now: Good Values. Good Character. Good Deeds. by Ryan Holiday Is it any surprise a Ryan Holiday book made this list? As usual, it’s packed with actionable wisdom, but this one stands out even among his stellar works. The Book of Life: Daily Meditations with Krishnamurti by J. Krishnamurti Krishnamurti has become one of my most-cited thinkers this year. His insights are profound, challenging, and timeless. Influence, New and Expanded: The Psychology of Persuasion by Robert B. Cialdini A perennial favorite. As I launched Alively this year, rereading Cialdini’s principles of persuasion proved invaluable yet again. Truly a book worth revisiting. The Tools: Transform Your Problems into Courage, Confidence, and Creativity by Phil Stutz This year brought personal challenges, including a divorce. The Tools became indispensable for me, particularly the practices of love and gratitude, which I now use daily. Simple but transformative. Leadership and Self-Deception: Getting Out of the Box by The Arbinger Institute Also invaluable during my divorce, this book provided clarity and actionable insights for navigating relationships. Its lessons could prevent so much heartache if applied early. Speak Like Churchill, Stand Like Lincoln: 21 Powerful Secrets of History's Greatest Speakers by James C. Humes With another TEDx talk in Bermuda this year, I returned to this classic (and Chris Anderson’s TED Talks ). Both are invaluable resources for anyone looking to communicate more effectively. Scaling People: Tactics for Management and Company Building by Claire Hughes Johnson Super tactical and packed with practical advice. Even if you listen to it, I recommend keeping a hard copy for reference—it’s that good for anyone building or managing a team. Health, Happiness, and Human Connection The Good Life: Lessons from the World's Longest Study on Happiness by Robert Waldinger and Marc Schulz This book reinforced the importance of relationships as a pillar of well-being. Its message is clear: we can never overinvest in meaningful connections. Good Energy: The Surprising Connection Between Metabolism and Limitless Health by Casey Means A rallying cry for taking control of our health. As a Levels user and advocate for healthspan over lifespan, this book hit home. Let’s Make America Healthy Again (MAHA)! How Not to Age: The Scientific Approach to Getting Healthier as You Get Older by Michael Greger Dr. Greger’s How Not to Die changed my life in 2021, and How Not to Age built on that foundation. It’s a must-read for anyone serious about health and longevity. The Longevity Imperative by Andrew J. Scott A thought-provoking look at how society must adapt to longer lives. Navigating Family and Modern Life This Is So Awkward: Modern Puberty Explained by Cara Natterson and Good Inside: A Guide to Becoming the Parent You Want to Be by Becky Kennedy Though my daughter is only eight, This Is So Awkward has already helped me better understand and support her as she grows. It reminded me that it’s never too early to prepare for the transitions ahead. Pairing this with Dr. Becky’s Good Inside—which had me hooked after hearing her on the Huberman Lab podcast—has completely transformed how I see my daughter, her moods, and her words. These books have not only shifted my perspective but also made me a better, more thoughtful parent. The Anxious Generation by Jonathan Haidt A deep dive into the mental health challenges facing today’s youth, offering sobering insights for parents and educators. I am worried too many parents will focus only on one part of the message: more screen police, and less on the (for me) more important message-we need LESS policing and should let the kids go out, explore, and fail on their own. Love Life: How to Raise Your Standards, Find Your Person, and Live Happily (No Matter What) by Matthew Hussey Entering the dating world after 19 years was daunting, but this book offered practical, empathetic guidance. You'll Grow Out of It by Jessi Klein I laughed until I cried—multiple times. Klein’s wit and sharp observations make this an absolute joy to read or listen to. The Tale of Despereaux: Being the Story of a Mouse, a Princess, Some Soup and a Spool of Thread by Kate DiCamillo I read this enchanting tale twice this year—once on a podcast recommendation and again with my daughter. It’s a timeless story we both adored. Epic Adventures and Profound Stories The Red Rising Trilogy by Pierce Brown For fans of epic, multi-generational novels like Game of Thrones, this series is a thrill. Set in a dystopian future, it’s a study of human nature’s constants, no matter the era or setting. D'Aulaires' Book of Greek Myths by Ingri d'Aulaire Sharing this childhood favorite with my daughter was pure joy. It ignited her love for Greek mythology and made for wonderful bonding moments as we explored the stories together. The Diary of a Young Girl by Anne Frank This was my "Roots" of 2024—a book I’d inexplicably never read before. Anne’s reflections are hauntingly beautiful and universally relatable, and her insights on antisemitism remain as relevant as ever. Death in the Air: A Novel by Ram Murali Suspenseful, clever, and packed with Taylor Swift references—what’s not to love? As I look back on 2024, the books I’ve read stand out not just as words on a page but as conversations that have shaped my thoughts, decisions, and even my relationships. Each one has added something unique to my year—whether it was a spark of laughter, a dose of wisdom, or a much-needed shift in perspective. As we step into 2025, I’m excited to keep discovering new voices and revisiting timeless ones, always on the hunt for insights that challenge and inspire. If a book changed your life or stayed with you this year, please share it with me—I can’t wait to add it to my ever-growing list. Here’s to another year of growth, discovery, and unforgettable stories.

Throughout history, humans have grappled with the tension between what they can control and what lies beyond their grasp. In ancient times, events like storms, plagues, and wars were often attributed to the whims of gods or the decrees of fate. This worldview shaped human lives profoundly, leaving little room for the concept of personal agency. Fast forward to today, and humanity exerts unprecedented control over our environment and societies. Yet paradoxically, feelings of powerlessness persist—and may even be growing. Understanding this paradox requires a journey from ancient beliefs to modern freedoms and a reflection on how we perceive our own agency. The Ancient Lens of Fate In the world of Homer’s Iliad and Odyssey, life was a theater where gods and fate pulled the strings. Warriors like Achilles and Odysseus might possess strength and cunning, but their destinies were shaped by divine forces. Athena could tip the scales in favor of Odysseus, while Zeus could rain destruction—or mercy—on mortals below. These stories reflected a deep cultural belief: human lives were subject to forces far beyond their understanding or control. Religious traditions reinforced this worldview. In Christianity, the Lord’s Prayer includes the phrase, "Thy will be done," signaling submission to divine authority. In Islam, the phrase Inshallah ("if God wills it") acknowledges that human plans are always subordinate to God's will. Across cultures, humanity accepted a fundamental truth: life’s outcomes often depended on powers far greater than ourselves. This worldview made sense in a pre-scientific age when earthquakes, diseases, and weather patterns were mysteries. Without knowledge of tectonic plates or microbial life, such events felt arbitrary, even malicious. Humanity saw itself as at the mercy of elements it could neither predict nor control. The Modern Era: Agency in Action Today, our reality is vastly different. Technological and scientific advancements have granted humanity a level of control that would have been unthinkable to our ancestors. We engineer year-round food supplies, live in climate-controlled homes, and understand the mechanisms behind natural disasters. Life expectancy has soared, and diseases that once ravaged populations are now curable or preventable. Political freedoms have also expanded. The spread of democracy has allowed billions of people to have a say in their governance, a stark contrast to the absolute monarchies or tribal systems of the past. Decisions that once rested with kings or chiefs are now made by elected representatives, influenced by public opinion. Yet, despite these advancements, a growing number of people feel powerless. A 2018 Pew Research Center study found that significant portions of the population in democratic countries felt disconnected from political influence. Other studies indicate rising levels of anxiety and despair, suggesting that increased freedom and agency do not always translate to feelings of empowerment. The Paradox of Progress This dissonance—the gap between our increasing agency and our perceived powerlessness—mirrors a historical pattern: revolutionary movements often erupt not when oppression is at its peak, but when freedoms are expanding. Consider the French Revolution. Though the monarchy was gradually modernizing, these changes only heightened awareness of the inequalities that remained, spurring demands for more radical transformation. The collapse of the USSR offers another compelling example. By the 1980s, Soviet citizens were experiencing the loosening of strict controls under Mikhail Gorbachev’s policies of glasnost (openness) and perestroika (restructuring). These reforms exposed systemic corruption and inefficiencies while increasing expectations for personal freedoms. Rather than stabilizing the Soviet system, they led to its unraveling as citizens demanded even more change. This phenomenon is not unique to politics. Psychologist Robert Cialdini’s research on motivation sheds light on why incremental progress can sometimes feel frustrating rather than satisfying. In studies involving loyalty cards, participants who were closer to earning a reward (e.g., a free coffee) were more motivated than those at the start of the journey. When change is within reach, the remaining gap becomes all the more glaring. Similarly, as societies or individuals gain agency, they may fixate on what they still lack rather than celebrating how far they’ve come. Harnessing Modern Agency How, then, can we reconcile this paradox and embrace our hidden agency? One answer lies in shifting our perspective. Instead of dwelling solely on the gaps between where we are and where we want to be, we should also reflect on the progress we’ve made. Margaret Mead famously said, "Never doubt that a small group of thoughtful, committed citizens can change the world; indeed, it's the only thing that ever has." Her words remind us of the transformative power of focused action. Sharon McMahon’s The Small and the Mighty builds on this idea, chronicling stories of individuals and small groups who shaped history through courage and determination. Whether it’s 15-year-old Claudette Colvin’s defiance or grassroots environmental activism, these examples demonstrate that even modest actions can create ripple effects of change. On a personal level, recognizing our wins—big or small—can fuel a sense of agency. Did you make a healthier food choice today? Did you have a meaningful conversation that strengthened a relationship? These moments, though seemingly insignificant, add up. They are reminders that we wield far more control over our lives than we often credit ourselves with. The ancients saw themselves as subjects of fate, their lives dictated by gods or destiny. Today, we understand the mechanisms behind much of what once seemed mysterious. Yet, even as we gain control over our environment and societies, feelings of powerlessness persist, driven by our focus on what remains undone. The solution may lie in balancing our perspective. We must acknowledge the gaps and strive to close them, but also celebrate the agency we already possess. By doing so, we can harness our collective and individual power to shape the world—and our lives—for the better. So yes, there are things outside our control. But also, yes, we have greater agency than ever before. If we see things that need doing, WE have the ability to step up and do the next needed thing. Let’s do this.

It’s easy to feel like time stretches out infinitely before us. We fill our days with to-dos, distractions, and routines, often assuming there will always be “later” for the things that truly matter. But what if we saw time differently—not as an endless resource, but as the limited gift it is? Scarcity sharpens focus, forcing us to prioritize and be intentional. Instead of lamenting limited time, we can use it as a powerful tool to live deliberately and authentically. The Forcing Mechanism of Limited Time Have you ever noticed how much you get done during a busy day compared to a free one? There’s a reason for that. When time is scarce, we naturally focus on what’s most important and let the rest fall away. Take Division I athletes, for example. Studies show that they often achieve better grades during their sports season than during the off-season when they have more “free” time. It seems counterintuitive—shouldn’t less time for studying lead to lower grades? But this paradox highlights the power of limited time: it forces efficiency. With only so many hours to juggle practices, games, and academics, athletes zero in on the essentials and waste less time on distractions. The same dynamic plays out in our everyday lives. At work, we might spend hours mindlessly sifting through an inbox instead of carving out time for meaningful, creative work. At home, it’s easy to lose hours scrolling social media or bingeing a show when we could be laughing through a board game with loved ones. When we’re aware of how little time we have, we make better choices about how to spend it. The Danger of Perceived Abundance On the flip side, when we think we have “all the time in the world,” we tend to squander it. It’s like sitting at a buffet with endless options: we overindulge, sampling things we don’t really care about, rather than savoring the best bites. This is especially true with tasks that have no hard deadlines. Work expands to fill the time we allow it. A project that could take three focused hours might drag on for days simply because we don’t feel the pressure to finish it. Similarly, in relationships, we often put off meaningful moments because we assume there will be time to connect later. The truth is, abundance dulls our sense of value. When time feels infinite, we fail to treasure each moment. It’s only when we’re faced with scarcity—an impending deadline, a packed schedule, or a sobering reminder of life’s finitude—that we truly appreciate the importance of making time count. The Reality: Time is Always Limited Here’s the kicker: time is always limited. We just don’t always acknowledge it. Whether we live 90 years or 19, our days are numbered. No one knows their exact count, but we know it’s finite. Given that, why would we spend any of our precious time on things that don’t matter to us? That doesn’t mean we have to focus solely on serious pursuits like work or self-improvement. What matters is that we prioritize what’s valuable to us personally—whether that’s crafting a perfect presentation, having a tickle fight with our kids, or raking leaves only to jump into the pile and start over. Life’s richness lies in those meaningful moments, whatever they may look like for you. The key is to deliberately make time for them, even if it means excluding less important activities. When you remember that your time is a gift, it becomes easier to choose the things that bring joy, connection, and purpose over passive or meaningless habits. How to Focus on the Essential Understanding the value of limited time is one thing; living by it is another. Here are a few strategies to help prioritize what truly matters: Daily Reminder: Time is Precious - Every day, remind yourself that we all get 24 hours, and none of us knows how many days we have left. This isn’t about inducing fear; it’s about encouraging intentionality. Imagine each day as a piece of currency—how will you spend it? Ask the Right Questions - When planning your day, ask yourself: What truly matters to me? Am I spending my time in ways that reflect those priorities? If this were my last week, how would I want to spend it? Embrace the Power of Exclusion - Not everything deserves your time. Say no to low-value activities, whether that’s an unproductive meeting or an endless social media scroll. The space you free up can be reinvested in what matters most. Be Present in the Moment - It’s not enough to allocate time for something meaningful—you have to show up fully. Whether you’re at work or playing with your kids, give that moment your undivided attention. Balance the Serious and the Playful - Prioritization doesn’t mean every moment has to be solemn or productive. It’s about choosing what’s valuable to you. For some, that might mean learning a new skill. For others, it could mean goofy, joyful moments with loved ones. Living Deliberately Ultimately, the forcing mechanism of limited time is always with us, even if we don’t recognize it. It’s not a restriction—it’s a gift. Scarcity reminds us to focus on what matters, to cut through distractions, and to live deliberately. Imagine the kind of life you’d want to reflect on at the end of your days. Would it be full of meaningful work, deep relationships, and playful moments? Or would it be a blur of wasted hours and missed opportunities? We all get the same 24 hours in a day, and though we don’t know the total number of days we’ll have, we do know this: each one counts. So let’s make sure we’re spending our time on the things that truly matter—whatever those things are to us. As the saying goes, life isn’t about counting the days; it’s about making the days count. Let’s choose to live fully and deliberately, starting now.