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When I first came across the concept of “excellentism” in Future Tense: Why Anxiety is Good for You (Even Though it Feels Bad) by Tracy Dennis-Tiwary, it felt like a lightbulb moment. I had always been familiar with perfectionism—many of us are. But excellentism? The distinction struck a chord. It immediately resonated as a healthier, more sustainable alternative to the pitfalls of perfectionism, and it helped me better articulate the mindset I’ve been striving to embrace. Perfectionism is something my parents told me I struggled with as a child. Back then, I couldn’t leave a project alone until every detail was polished. Today, though, I feel worlds away from that mindset. Maybe it’s because I found my way into the startup world, where “shipped is better than perfect” reigns as gospel. Or maybe my evolved approach to life naturally led me to startups. Either way, I no longer feel trapped by perfectionism, and excellentism has given me the vocabulary to explain why. Excellentism, at its core, isn’t about settling for “good enough,” but about embracing the process of continual improvement. It’s the idea of “perfect” not as a fixed goal but as a verb—something active and ongoing. It’s an approach that aligns with the 80/20 principle of the Pareto Rule, where 80% of the results come from 20% of the effort. While I don’t believe in stopping at that 80%, I also recognize that chasing perfection is often more draining than productive. Understanding Perfectionism Perfectionism is the relentless pursuit of flawlessness, and it’s easy to fall into its trap. It’s the voice in your head that tells you nothing is good enough unless it’s perfect—a voice that often drives procrastination, burnout, and self-doubt. Here’s the problem: perfectionism isn’t just about high standards; it’s often rooted in fear. Fear of failure. Fear of judgment. Fear of losing control. This mindset equates self-worth with achievements, and anything less than perfection can feel like a personal shortcoming. As a child, I remember being consumed by this need to get everything “just right.” It was paralyzing at times, making it difficult to finish projects or even start them. As I grew, I realized the cost of this mindset. It wasn’t sustainable. Enter Excellentism Where perfectionism demands flawlessness, excellentism offers something more liberating: progress. Excellentism is about striving for excellence through ongoing effort and refinement, not by achieving an impossible ideal. The key distinction is that perfectionism views “perfect” as a static and unattainable end state, while excellentism sees it as an active process—a verb, not a noun. It’s about continuous improvement and embracing growth rather than being paralyzed by the fear of imperfection. In my book, Get Out of My Head, I wrote about rejecting “perfect” as an end state and instead focusing on the idea of progress. This philosophy aligns seamlessly with excellentism. It encourages us to do our best, learn from setbacks, and keep moving forward—without letting the pursuit of flawlessness hold us back. Why Excellentism is Better Excellentism isn’t just a softer alternative to perfectionism—it’s a more productive and fulfilling way to live and work. Here’s why: It Encourages Growth Excellentism emphasizes improvement over time. It celebrates the journey rather than fixating on an elusive finish line. It Boosts Productivity By prioritizing meaningful progress, excellentism aligns with the Pareto Principle, which suggests that 80% of the results come from 20% of the effort. It allows us to focus on high-impact work without getting bogged down by diminishing returns. It Builds Resilience Excellentism accepts that mistakes are part of the process. Instead of fearing failure, it encourages us to see setbacks as opportunities to learn and grow. It Fosters Creativity The freedom to experiment and iterate—hallmarks of excellentism—creates a fertile ground for innovation. Perfectionism vs. Excellentism: A Comparison Here’s a quick breakdown of how the two mindsets differ:  How to Embrace Excellentism Whether you’re working to counter perfectionist tendencies or looking to up your game, here are some practical ways to incorporate excellentism into your life: Reframe Your Goals Shift your focus from flawless outcomes to consistent progress. Celebrate incremental improvements and milestones along the way. Adopt the Pareto Principle Identify the 20% of work that delivers 80% of the results. Start there and refine as needed rather than exhausting yourself on diminishing returns. Practice Iterative Progress Break larger projects into smaller, manageable steps. Treat each step as an opportunity to refine and improve. Celebrate Small Wins Acknowledge effort and progress rather than fixating solely on outcomes. This builds momentum and keeps you motivated. Seek Feedback Early and Often Don’t wait for perfection before sharing your work. Feedback helps refine your efforts and reinforces the value of collaboration. Develop a Growth Mindset Embrace challenges and view them as opportunities to learn. A growth mindset is the foundation of excellentism. Redefine “Perfect” Stop chasing an unattainable ideal. Instead, see “perfect” as a verb—a process of continual improvement. Why This Matters In today’s fast-paced world, perfectionism is fueled by social media, constant comparison, and unrealistic expectations. Excellentism offers a counterbalance—a way to aim high without losing yourself in the process. It’s not about settling; it’s about growing. Reflecting on my own journey, I realize how far I’ve come from the child who agonized over perfection. Excellentism has helped me embrace the beauty of progress and the joy of striving for excellence without the weight of fear. If you’ve struggled with perfectionism or feel stuck in a cycle of “good enough,” consider embracing excellentism. It’s not about lowering your standards but shifting your focus to growth and momentum. Excellence isn’t a destination; it’s a journey. And every step forward is worth celebrating.

Parenting is a delicate dance. It often begins with a desire to protect, to shield, to ensure the best for our children. Yet, as I reflect on two thought-provoking books I read over the holidays—The Coddling of the American Mind by Greg Lukianoff and Jonathan Haidt, and Future Tense: Why Anxiety is Good for You (Even Though it Feels Bad) by Tracy Dennis-Tiwary—I’m beginning to wonder if our good intentions might be getting in the way.  Both books make a compelling case for how shielding children from discomfort and stress, while coming from a place of love, can inadvertently stunt their growth. They argue that children are “antifragile,” a concept from Nassim Taleb that suggests humans don’t just endure stress but actually grow stronger through it. When we deny our children the chance to face challenges, we rob them of the critical developmental opportunities they need to thrive in the real world. Overprotection vs. Preparedness As a parent, it’s easy to fall into the trap of overprotection. After all, keeping our kids safe feels like the ultimate act of love. But The Coddling of the American Mind points out how this protective instinct can lead to unintended consequences. By cushioning children from all forms of adversity—whether that’s emotional discomfort or the sting of failure—we deny them the chance to build resilience. Dennis-Tiwary’s Future Tense takes this further, emphasizing that anxiety, though unpleasant, plays an essential role in human development. It pushes us to problem-solve, adapt, and grow. Much like our immune systems need exposure to germs to build defenses, our minds need exposure to challenges to develop strength. Without it, we risk creating a generation unprepared for life’s inevitable difficulties. The Impact of Denying Stressors I think back to my own childhood—wide-open afternoons spent riding bikes with friends, exploring until the streetlights flickered on. My former father-in-law once told me about a two-week bike ride he and a friend took across the UK when they were just twelve. Compare that to today’s parenting culture, where some parents feel uneasy letting their kids play in the front yard unsupervised. Even in my own parenting journey, I catch glimpses of how these shifts manifest. Recently, I asked my nearly nine-year-old daughter what responsibility she would most like to have. Her answer? She wanted to ride the school bus—a routine rite of passage not so long ago but now, for many parents, a source of hesitation. It’s a small but telling example of how much we’ve come to underestimate our children’s ability to handle the world on their own. Why Stress is Good (in Moderation) Research consistently shows that stress isn’t inherently bad. In fact, moderate levels of stress are critical for building emotional regulation, problem-solving skills, and adaptability. When kids face challenges—whether it’s learning to ride a bike, studying for a tough test, or navigating a social conflict—they’re not just surviving; they’re growing. Taleb’s concept of antifragility underscores this beautifully. Resilience is often thought of as bouncing back from hardship, but antifragility goes a step further: it’s about becoming stronger because of it. When we remove all stressors, it’s like raising children in a sterile environment. Sure, they might avoid discomfort in the short term, but they also miss out on building the strength they’ll need for the long haul. Striking the Balance Of course, not all stress is helpful. Too much pressure—whether it’s academic, social, or emotional—can be harmful. The goal is to expose kids to challenges that are appropriate for their age and capacity. This might mean encouraging them to try out for a sports team, manage their homework independently, or solve minor disputes with friends on their own. Both books stress the importance of reframing failure as a growth opportunity. When kids stumble, our instinct is often to jump in and fix the problem. But what if we paused instead? What if we let them wrestle with the issue, offering support only when needed? This approach teaches them that they’re capable of overcoming obstacles—a lesson far more valuable than immediate comfort. Parenting in Action: Building Resilient Kids So how can we, as parents, foster antifragility while still protecting our kids from unnecessary harm? Here are a few actionable steps: Assign Responsibilities Give children tasks that build independence. Whether it’s cooking a simple meal, walking the dog, or riding the school bus, these moments build confidence and capability. Encourage Safe Risk-Taking Let them climb the tree, try the challenging hobby, or explore the neighborhood. Supervise when necessary but resist the urge to hover. Reframe Failure When things don’t go as planned, guide them in reflecting on what they’ve learned. Celebrate the effort, not just the outcome. Model Resilience Kids watch us closely. Show them how you handle stress, setbacks, and uncertainty. Talk openly about challenges and how you’re working through them. Reflecting on Generational Shifts It’s hard not to notice how much parenting norms have shifted over the decades. My generation grew up in an era of exploration and self-reliance, while today’s children often live within carefully curated schedules and monitored environments. While there’s no going back entirely—and perhaps some aspects of modern parenting are improvements—it’s worth reflecting on what we might have lost along the way. By fostering resilience and allowing kids to face controlled challenges, we’re not just preparing them for life beyond the bubble—we’re empowering them to thrive. The Long-Term Vision The world will challenge our children, whether we want it to or not. Our job isn’t to eliminate those challenges but to prepare our kids to meet them head-on. By introducing manageable stressors now, we help them grow into confident, capable adults who can navigate life’s ups and downs. Parenting will always be a balancing act. But perhaps the best way to protect our children is to let go a little, trusting in their antifragility and knowing that the struggles of today are the foundation for their strength tomorrow.

What do friendship, leadership, and citizenship have in common? More than just ending with the same suffix, these "-ships" are essential states of being or relationships that profoundly define our lives and shape our well-being. These connections don’t just determine who we are but also how healthy and fulfilled we can be.  By exploring the roots of "-ship," the concept of healthspan, and the critical role of social connection, we can learn how to build stronger, healthier "-ships" that enrich our lives and even extend the years we spend in good health. The Root of -Ship: A Historical and Holistic Perspective The suffix "-ship" has deep roots in Old English and Proto-Germanic languages, originating from "scipe" and "skapiz" , which mean shape, condition, or role. Historically, "-ship" represented purposeful states of being, like fellowship or craftsmanship, emphasizing qualities of connection, skill, and belonging. This historical foundation aligns beautifully with the modern concept of healthspan—the time in life we spend in good health. Our "-ships" don’t just shape our identities; they influence the quality of our lives, impacting both mental and physical well-being. Healthspan and Its Five Pillars Healthspan focuses on maintaining vitality and health, rather than simply extending lifespan. It’s defined by five key pillars: Nutrition : Eating a balanced, nutrient-rich diet. Physical Activity : Staying active to support strength and cardiovascular health. Sleep : Prioritizing restorative sleep for recovery and mental clarity. Stress Management : Cultivating resilience through mindfulness and relaxation. Social Connection and Purpose : Fostering relationships and living for something beyond yourself. The fifth pillar is where "-ships" take center stage. Strong relationships, friendships, and a sense of purpose contribute directly to physical and mental well-being, reducing stress, boosting happiness, and even adding years to our lives. The Core -Ships That Define Our Lives and Health Relationships From family bonds to romantic partnerships, relationships form the bedrock of human experience. Quality relationships are proven to lower stress levels, provide emotional stability, and increase resilience in difficult times. They reflect the original essence of "-ship" as a purposeful state of connection. Friendships Friendships offer unique emotional support, shared joy, and a buffer against loneliness. They’re tied to increased happiness and reduced risk of mental health struggles, making them an essential part of a thriving healthspan. Partnerships Professional and collaborative partnerships help us grow, providing mutual support in achieving goals. Whether in business or creative endeavors, strong partnerships instill a sense of purpose and accomplishment. Expanding the Fleet: Other Essential -Ships for Health and Longevity Beyond relationships, friendships, and partnerships, other "-ships" play vital roles in our lives: Mentorship : A two-way exchange of wisdom and support that fosters growth for both parties. Leadership : Shaping yourself and others through intentional guidance. Citizenship : Contributing to your community, fostering belonging and purpose. Companionship : Finding comfort and stability through close bonds, including with pets. Stewardship : Caring for the environment and leaving a legacy for future generations. Each of these "-ships" aligns with the fifth pillar of healthspan, highlighting the importance of living for something beyond yourself. The Health Benefits of Prioritizing -Ships Nurturing "-ships" offers tangible benefits for physical and mental health: Physical Health : Research shows that strong social bonds can reduce inflammation, improve cardiovascular health, and lower the risk of chronic diseases. Mental Health : Social connections combat anxiety, depression, and loneliness, leading to a happier, more balanced life. Longevity : Studies reveal that individuals with rich social networks live longer and enjoy a higher quality of life. Building and Prioritizing Your -Ships to Enhance Healthspan To improve your healthspan through "-ships," consider these steps: Reflect Regularly : Take stock of your current "-ships" and identify areas for growth. Invest Time and Energy : Be intentional about nurturing connections that matter. Align with Purpose : Cultivate relationships and roles that align with your values and contribute to something bigger than yourself. Set Boundaries and Embrace Change : Recognize when certain "-ships" need to evolve or end for your well-being. Practice Citizenship and Stewardship : Engage with your community and protect shared resources, fostering collective health. The "-ships" we choose to nurture—relationships, friendships, citizenship, and beyond—shape not only who we are but also how well and how long we live. Rooted in history and reinforced by science, these connections offer purpose, belonging, and health benefits that are impossible to ignore. By prioritizing and strengthening your "-ships," you can create a life filled with meaning, joy, and vitality. The journey starts with a simple choice: invest in the connections that shape your world and let them transform your healthspan. So, what are you waiting for? Start building better "-ships" today, and watch as they shape a healthier, happier you.

Books are time machines and thought companions, letting us step into the minds of great thinkers, storytellers, and dreamers from across the ages and around the world. In 2024, this has been truer than ever for me. Whether providing solace during challenging moments or sparking new ideas for the future, the books I’ve read this year have been constant sources of inspiration and learning. This year’s reads spanned a variety of topics, from health and leadership to mythology and navigating life’s transitions. As 2024 comes to a close, I’m excited to share my favorite books from the past 12 months. Whether you're looking to build your reading list for 2025 or just seeking your next great book, I hope these recommendations resonate with you as they have with me. Timeless Wisdom for Life and Leadership Poor Charlie's Almanack: The Wit and Wisdom of Charles T. Munger by Charlie Munger Finally reprinted after Munger’s passing, this book is brimming with wisdom. It’s a treasure trove I know I’ll revisit frequently—a master class in clear thinking and practical philosophy from one of the brightest minds of our time. Right Thing, Right Now: Good Values. Good Character. Good Deeds. by Ryan Holiday Is it any surprise a Ryan Holiday book made this list? As usual, it’s packed with actionable wisdom, but this one stands out even among his stellar works. The Book of Life: Daily Meditations with Krishnamurti by J. Krishnamurti Krishnamurti has become one of my most-cited thinkers this year. His insights are profound, challenging, and timeless. Influence, New and Expanded: The Psychology of Persuasion by Robert B. Cialdini A perennial favorite. As I launched Alively this year, rereading Cialdini’s principles of persuasion proved invaluable yet again. Truly a book worth revisiting. The Tools: Transform Your Problems into Courage, Confidence, and Creativity by Phil Stutz This year brought personal challenges, including a divorce. The Tools became indispensable for me, particularly the practices of love and gratitude, which I now use daily. Simple but transformative. Leadership and Self-Deception: Getting Out of the Box by The Arbinger Institute Also invaluable during my divorce, this book provided clarity and actionable insights for navigating relationships. Its lessons could prevent so much heartache if applied early. Speak Like Churchill, Stand Like Lincoln: 21 Powerful Secrets of History's Greatest Speakers by James C. Humes With another TEDx talk in Bermuda this year, I returned to this classic (and Chris Anderson’s TED Talks ). Both are invaluable resources for anyone looking to communicate more effectively. Scaling People: Tactics for Management and Company Building by Claire Hughes Johnson Super tactical and packed with practical advice. Even if you listen to it, I recommend keeping a hard copy for reference—it’s that good for anyone building or managing a team. Health, Happiness, and Human Connection The Good Life: Lessons from the World's Longest Study on Happiness by Robert Waldinger and Marc Schulz This book reinforced the importance of relationships as a pillar of well-being. Its message is clear: we can never overinvest in meaningful connections. Good Energy: The Surprising Connection Between Metabolism and Limitless Health by Casey Means A rallying cry for taking control of our health. As a Levels user and advocate for healthspan over lifespan, this book hit home. Let’s Make America Healthy Again (MAHA)! How Not to Age: The Scientific Approach to Getting Healthier as You Get Older by Michael Greger Dr. Greger’s How Not to Die changed my life in 2021, and How Not to Age built on that foundation. It’s a must-read for anyone serious about health and longevity. The Longevity Imperative by Andrew J. Scott A thought-provoking look at how society must adapt to longer lives. Navigating Family and Modern Life This Is So Awkward: Modern Puberty Explained by Cara Natterson and Good Inside: A Guide to Becoming the Parent You Want to Be by Becky Kennedy Though my daughter is only eight, This Is So Awkward has already helped me better understand and support her as she grows. It reminded me that it’s never too early to prepare for the transitions ahead. Pairing this with Dr. Becky’s Good Inside—which had me hooked after hearing her on the Huberman Lab podcast—has completely transformed how I see my daughter, her moods, and her words. These books have not only shifted my perspective but also made me a better, more thoughtful parent. The Anxious Generation by Jonathan Haidt A deep dive into the mental health challenges facing today’s youth, offering sobering insights for parents and educators. I am worried too many parents will focus only on one part of the message: more screen police, and less on the (for me) more important message-we need LESS policing and should let the kids go out, explore, and fail on their own. Love Life: How to Raise Your Standards, Find Your Person, and Live Happily (No Matter What) by Matthew Hussey Entering the dating world after 19 years was daunting, but this book offered practical, empathetic guidance. You'll Grow Out of It by Jessi Klein I laughed until I cried—multiple times. Klein’s wit and sharp observations make this an absolute joy to read or listen to. The Tale of Despereaux: Being the Story of a Mouse, a Princess, Some Soup and a Spool of Thread by Kate DiCamillo I read this enchanting tale twice this year—once on a podcast recommendation and again with my daughter. It’s a timeless story we both adored. Epic Adventures and Profound Stories The Red Rising Trilogy by Pierce Brown For fans of epic, multi-generational novels like Game of Thrones, this series is a thrill. Set in a dystopian future, it’s a study of human nature’s constants, no matter the era or setting. D'Aulaires' Book of Greek Myths by Ingri d'Aulaire Sharing this childhood favorite with my daughter was pure joy. It ignited her love for Greek mythology and made for wonderful bonding moments as we explored the stories together. The Diary of a Young Girl by Anne Frank This was my "Roots" of 2024—a book I’d inexplicably never read before. Anne’s reflections are hauntingly beautiful and universally relatable, and her insights on antisemitism remain as relevant as ever. Death in the Air: A Novel by Ram Murali Suspenseful, clever, and packed with Taylor Swift references—what’s not to love? As I look back on 2024, the books I’ve read stand out not just as words on a page but as conversations that have shaped my thoughts, decisions, and even my relationships. Each one has added something unique to my year—whether it was a spark of laughter, a dose of wisdom, or a much-needed shift in perspective. As we step into 2025, I’m excited to keep discovering new voices and revisiting timeless ones, always on the hunt for insights that challenge and inspire. If a book changed your life or stayed with you this year, please share it with me—I can’t wait to add it to my ever-growing list. Here’s to another year of growth, discovery, and unforgettable stories.

Throughout history, humans have grappled with the tension between what they can control and what lies beyond their grasp. In ancient times, events like storms, plagues, and wars were often attributed to the whims of gods or the decrees of fate. This worldview shaped human lives profoundly, leaving little room for the concept of personal agency. Fast forward to today, and humanity exerts unprecedented control over our environment and societies. Yet paradoxically, feelings of powerlessness persist—and may even be growing. Understanding this paradox requires a journey from ancient beliefs to modern freedoms and a reflection on how we perceive our own agency. The Ancient Lens of Fate In the world of Homer’s Iliad and Odyssey, life was a theater where gods and fate pulled the strings. Warriors like Achilles and Odysseus might possess strength and cunning, but their destinies were shaped by divine forces. Athena could tip the scales in favor of Odysseus, while Zeus could rain destruction—or mercy—on mortals below. These stories reflected a deep cultural belief: human lives were subject to forces far beyond their understanding or control. Religious traditions reinforced this worldview. In Christianity, the Lord’s Prayer includes the phrase, "Thy will be done," signaling submission to divine authority. In Islam, the phrase Inshallah ("if God wills it") acknowledges that human plans are always subordinate to God's will. Across cultures, humanity accepted a fundamental truth: life’s outcomes often depended on powers far greater than ourselves. This worldview made sense in a pre-scientific age when earthquakes, diseases, and weather patterns were mysteries. Without knowledge of tectonic plates or microbial life, such events felt arbitrary, even malicious. Humanity saw itself as at the mercy of elements it could neither predict nor control. The Modern Era: Agency in Action Today, our reality is vastly different. Technological and scientific advancements have granted humanity a level of control that would have been unthinkable to our ancestors. We engineer year-round food supplies, live in climate-controlled homes, and understand the mechanisms behind natural disasters. Life expectancy has soared, and diseases that once ravaged populations are now curable or preventable. Political freedoms have also expanded. The spread of democracy has allowed billions of people to have a say in their governance, a stark contrast to the absolute monarchies or tribal systems of the past. Decisions that once rested with kings or chiefs are now made by elected representatives, influenced by public opinion. Yet, despite these advancements, a growing number of people feel powerless. A 2018 Pew Research Center study found that significant portions of the population in democratic countries felt disconnected from political influence. Other studies indicate rising levels of anxiety and despair, suggesting that increased freedom and agency do not always translate to feelings of empowerment. The Paradox of Progress This dissonance—the gap between our increasing agency and our perceived powerlessness—mirrors a historical pattern: revolutionary movements often erupt not when oppression is at its peak, but when freedoms are expanding. Consider the French Revolution. Though the monarchy was gradually modernizing, these changes only heightened awareness of the inequalities that remained, spurring demands for more radical transformation. The collapse of the USSR offers another compelling example. By the 1980s, Soviet citizens were experiencing the loosening of strict controls under Mikhail Gorbachev’s policies of glasnost (openness) and perestroika (restructuring). These reforms exposed systemic corruption and inefficiencies while increasing expectations for personal freedoms. Rather than stabilizing the Soviet system, they led to its unraveling as citizens demanded even more change. This phenomenon is not unique to politics. Psychologist Robert Cialdini’s research on motivation sheds light on why incremental progress can sometimes feel frustrating rather than satisfying. In studies involving loyalty cards, participants who were closer to earning a reward (e.g., a free coffee) were more motivated than those at the start of the journey. When change is within reach, the remaining gap becomes all the more glaring. Similarly, as societies or individuals gain agency, they may fixate on what they still lack rather than celebrating how far they’ve come. Harnessing Modern Agency How, then, can we reconcile this paradox and embrace our hidden agency? One answer lies in shifting our perspective. Instead of dwelling solely on the gaps between where we are and where we want to be, we should also reflect on the progress we’ve made. Margaret Mead famously said, "Never doubt that a small group of thoughtful, committed citizens can change the world; indeed, it's the only thing that ever has." Her words remind us of the transformative power of focused action. Sharon McMahon’s The Small and the Mighty builds on this idea, chronicling stories of individuals and small groups who shaped history through courage and determination. Whether it’s 15-year-old Claudette Colvin’s defiance or grassroots environmental activism, these examples demonstrate that even modest actions can create ripple effects of change. On a personal level, recognizing our wins—big or small—can fuel a sense of agency. Did you make a healthier food choice today? Did you have a meaningful conversation that strengthened a relationship? These moments, though seemingly insignificant, add up. They are reminders that we wield far more control over our lives than we often credit ourselves with. The ancients saw themselves as subjects of fate, their lives dictated by gods or destiny. Today, we understand the mechanisms behind much of what once seemed mysterious. Yet, even as we gain control over our environment and societies, feelings of powerlessness persist, driven by our focus on what remains undone. The solution may lie in balancing our perspective. We must acknowledge the gaps and strive to close them, but also celebrate the agency we already possess. By doing so, we can harness our collective and individual power to shape the world—and our lives—for the better. So yes, there are things outside our control. But also, yes, we have greater agency than ever before. If we see things that need doing, WE have the ability to step up and do the next needed thing. Let’s do this.

It’s easy to feel like time stretches out infinitely before us. We fill our days with to-dos, distractions, and routines, often assuming there will always be “later” for the things that truly matter. But what if we saw time differently—not as an endless resource, but as the limited gift it is? Scarcity sharpens focus, forcing us to prioritize and be intentional. Instead of lamenting limited time, we can use it as a powerful tool to live deliberately and authentically. The Forcing Mechanism of Limited Time Have you ever noticed how much you get done during a busy day compared to a free one? There’s a reason for that. When time is scarce, we naturally focus on what’s most important and let the rest fall away. Take Division I athletes, for example. Studies show that they often achieve better grades during their sports season than during the off-season when they have more “free” time. It seems counterintuitive—shouldn’t less time for studying lead to lower grades? But this paradox highlights the power of limited time: it forces efficiency. With only so many hours to juggle practices, games, and academics, athletes zero in on the essentials and waste less time on distractions. The same dynamic plays out in our everyday lives. At work, we might spend hours mindlessly sifting through an inbox instead of carving out time for meaningful, creative work. At home, it’s easy to lose hours scrolling social media or bingeing a show when we could be laughing through a board game with loved ones. When we’re aware of how little time we have, we make better choices about how to spend it. The Danger of Perceived Abundance On the flip side, when we think we have “all the time in the world,” we tend to squander it. It’s like sitting at a buffet with endless options: we overindulge, sampling things we don’t really care about, rather than savoring the best bites. This is especially true with tasks that have no hard deadlines. Work expands to fill the time we allow it. A project that could take three focused hours might drag on for days simply because we don’t feel the pressure to finish it. Similarly, in relationships, we often put off meaningful moments because we assume there will be time to connect later. The truth is, abundance dulls our sense of value. When time feels infinite, we fail to treasure each moment. It’s only when we’re faced with scarcity—an impending deadline, a packed schedule, or a sobering reminder of life’s finitude—that we truly appreciate the importance of making time count. The Reality: Time is Always Limited Here’s the kicker: time is always limited. We just don’t always acknowledge it. Whether we live 90 years or 19, our days are numbered. No one knows their exact count, but we know it’s finite. Given that, why would we spend any of our precious time on things that don’t matter to us? That doesn’t mean we have to focus solely on serious pursuits like work or self-improvement. What matters is that we prioritize what’s valuable to us personally—whether that’s crafting a perfect presentation, having a tickle fight with our kids, or raking leaves only to jump into the pile and start over. Life’s richness lies in those meaningful moments, whatever they may look like for you. The key is to deliberately make time for them, even if it means excluding less important activities. When you remember that your time is a gift, it becomes easier to choose the things that bring joy, connection, and purpose over passive or meaningless habits. How to Focus on the Essential Understanding the value of limited time is one thing; living by it is another. Here are a few strategies to help prioritize what truly matters: Daily Reminder: Time is Precious - Every day, remind yourself that we all get 24 hours, and none of us knows how many days we have left. This isn’t about inducing fear; it’s about encouraging intentionality. Imagine each day as a piece of currency—how will you spend it? Ask the Right Questions - When planning your day, ask yourself: What truly matters to me? Am I spending my time in ways that reflect those priorities? If this were my last week, how would I want to spend it? Embrace the Power of Exclusion - Not everything deserves your time. Say no to low-value activities, whether that’s an unproductive meeting or an endless social media scroll. The space you free up can be reinvested in what matters most. Be Present in the Moment - It’s not enough to allocate time for something meaningful—you have to show up fully. Whether you’re at work or playing with your kids, give that moment your undivided attention. Balance the Serious and the Playful - Prioritization doesn’t mean every moment has to be solemn or productive. It’s about choosing what’s valuable to you. For some, that might mean learning a new skill. For others, it could mean goofy, joyful moments with loved ones. Living Deliberately Ultimately, the forcing mechanism of limited time is always with us, even if we don’t recognize it. It’s not a restriction—it’s a gift. Scarcity reminds us to focus on what matters, to cut through distractions, and to live deliberately. Imagine the kind of life you’d want to reflect on at the end of your days. Would it be full of meaningful work, deep relationships, and playful moments? Or would it be a blur of wasted hours and missed opportunities? We all get the same 24 hours in a day, and though we don’t know the total number of days we’ll have, we do know this: each one counts. So let’s make sure we’re spending our time on the things that truly matter—whatever those things are to us. As the saying goes, life isn’t about counting the days; it’s about making the days count. Let’s choose to live fully and deliberately, starting now.

Quick wit has always been admired in our society. There’s something captivating about a person who can think on their feet, deliver a sharp response, or distill complex ideas into a snappy one-liner. It feels like magic—a sign of intelligence and sharpness that we instinctively value. But as I get older, I’ve started to question: Is quick wit really as clever as we think, or does it sometimes come at the expense of deeper, more meaningful insights? The Allure of Quick Wit We live in a culture that prizes speed. Whether it’s fast food, instant messaging, or breaking news, we’ve grown accustomed to valuing immediacy. Quick wit fits neatly into this narrative. It’s not just about being funny or clever; it’s seen as evidence of a sharp mind—someone who’s "on it." In many professional settings, speed often trumps quality. I experienced this firsthand when I worked on write-ups for industry events. The unspoken rule was clear: the faster the analysis could go live, the better. Reflecting on it now, I realize the race to publish within 24 hours often left the content half-baked. Sure, the pieces were timely, but they lacked the depth they could have had if I’d taken more time to refine them. The speed of delivery was seen as more valuable than the quality of the work itself. And therein lies the problem: we equate speed with competence. But does that assumption hold up under scrutiny? The Case for Marination As I get older, I’ve noticed something interesting. My best ideas rarely come quickly. Instead, they emerge after a period of marination—letting thoughts simmer and evolve over time. It’s not that my mind has slowed down; if anything, I’d argue that I’ve become more thoughtful, valuing the process of arriving at the right answer over the fastest one. This shift in perspective mirrors some of the things we’re learning about artificial intelligence. Large language models (LLMs) like GPT, for example, can generate impressive answers in seconds. But studies show that when given more time to process and refine, these models produce even better, more accurate, and more nuanced results. The parallels to human thought are striking: speed is impressive, but patience and deliberation can elevate the outcome. So, what does this say about wit? Perhaps the sharpest minds aren’t those that think quickly but those that think deeply. The Cost of Prioritizing Speed There’s a cost to prioritizing quickness over quality. When we focus solely on speed, we risk sacrificing nuance, creativity, and thoughtfulness. In the context of my industry write-ups, this often meant publishing work that was serviceable but uninspired. The content did its job, but I knew it wasn’t as good as it could have been. And that nagging dissatisfaction stayed with me. This isn't just about work; it’s a broader reflection of how we approach life. In our rush to respond, decide, or deliver, how often do we miss out on the chance to create something truly meaningful? Are we trading substance for superficial wins? When I look at it this way, I can’t help but question how witty the “quick” really is. Is it worth the trade-off if it comes at the cost of depth and thoughtfulness? Striking a Balance: Questions to Ask Yourself The tension between speed and quality isn’t always easy to navigate. But there are ways to approach this dilemma thoughtfully. Here are a few questions I’ve started asking myself: What’s the purpose of the task? If you’re writing breaking news or making a split-second decision, speed might genuinely matter. But if you’re crafting something meant to last—like a strategy, a story, or a piece of art—can you afford to take more time? Will a delay significantly improve the quality? Some tasks improve dramatically with a little extra time. If a 24-hour delay could turn a “good” result into a “great” one, it’s worth considering. What will this choice cost you? Think about both the tangible and intangible costs. Is sacrificing quality for speed going to affect how you feel about the outcome? Will it compromise your values or standards? How does this affect others? If you’re part of a team, rushing might mean handing off work that creates more stress downstream. Conversely, slowing down might help ensure everyone benefits from a stronger final result. By weighing these factors, we can better navigate the trade-offs between quickness and thoughtfulness. The key isn’t to always prioritize one over the other but to understand when each approach serves us best. A Better Definition of Wit Perhaps we need to redefine what we mean by “quick wit.” Instead of equating it solely with speed, let’s consider it a form of agility—a capacity to adapt, process, and respond thoughtfully, whether in seconds or over days. After all, wit isn’t just about timing; it’s about depth, insight, and resonance. This reframing allows us to move beyond the binary choice of “fast or slow” and appreciate the nuance of thoughtful cleverness. In a world that often values speed above all else, choosing depth can be a radical, even rebellious act. All to say, quick wit has its place—it can dazzle, entertain, and impress. But as I’ve learned, it’s not the only measure of intelligence or creativity. Some of the best ideas, whether from humans or AI, come with time, patience, and reflection. So, the next time you’re tempted to prioritize speed, ask yourself: Is this about being quick, or is it about being effective? Sometimes the cleverest thing you can do is take a moment to think.

In today’s world, “authenticity” has become a buzzword. We’re encouraged to “be ourselves” and “live our truth.” And while that sounds great, sometimes “authenticity” is just an excuse to be, well, a bit of a jerk. Throughout my career, I’ve seen people excuse abrasive behavior with phrases like, “I’m just a straight shooter,” or “That’s just who I am.” What they’re essentially saying is, “I’m authentically rude, and I’m not interested in changing.” While honesty is important, we have to remember that being “honest” or “real” shouldn’t come at the expense of kindness. As Taylor Swift famously pointed out, we shouldn’t be “casually cruel in the name of being honest.” There’s a difference between true authenticity and using authenticity as a way to avoid the tough work of self-improvement. If we’re serious about being our true selves, then we owe it to others—and ourselves—to examine the impact of our words and actions. Are we trying to help, or just to let off steam? The Thin Line Between Being Authentic and Being Rude Authenticity, when done right, is a great quality. It means expressing ourselves honestly, openly, and without pretense. But authenticity can be twisted into a shield that protects us from self-reflection. When we say things like 'That’s just how I am,' we close ourselves off from seeing how we might be hurting others and hold ourselves back from becoming a better version of who we could be. Being an “authentic person” doesn’t mean being abrasive, insensitive, or unfiltered. When people dismiss concerns about their behavior by saying they’re “just being real,” they often avoid looking at how that behavior might affect others. Authenticity shouldn’t be about letting ourselves off the hook for acting thoughtlessly. To Help or to Vent? When it comes to honesty, we should all take a moment to think about why we’re saying what we’re saying. Are we being honest to inspire change? Are we trying to help someone or provide insight? Or are we just releasing our own frustrations, perhaps at someone else’s expense? I’ve found that a lot of “honesty” people dole out is less about helping others and more about venting. This isn’t a criticism; we all do it from time to time. But when we use “honesty” as an outlet for our own frustration, it rarely has the effect we’re hoping for. People tend to get defensive when they feel attacked or belittled, even if the intention was simply “telling it like it is.” Before speaking, it’s worth asking: Is what I’m about to say constructive? Has it ever helped create the outcome I wanted? Or does it usually lead to hurt feelings, defensiveness, or misunderstandings? At its core, true honesty is meant to build bridges, not burn them. And yes, that may take some finesse and tact. But if the goal is to be both authentic and helpful, it’s worth the extra effort. When “Being Real” Isn’t Enough Being authentic is important, but so is self-awareness. People are not static; we all have areas where we can grow and improve. Self-awareness means being open to change, especially if we notice that our “authentic self” is creating tension or negative outcomes in our relationships. It’s helpful to remember that being kind and being true to ourselves are not opposites—they’re actually very compatible. When we consider how our “straight talk” might impact someone else, we’re not compromising authenticity; we’re aligning it with a purpose. Being more thoughtful doesn’t mean we’re less honest; it means we’re more effective in delivering our truth. Think of it as evolving your authenticity to be a little gentler and a lot more intentional. Honey, Not Vinegar There’s an old saying: “You catch more flies with honey than vinegar.” Yes, it’s a cliché, but like a lot of things our moms taught us, it also happens to be true. Being straightforward and honest doesn’t have to mean being harsh or confrontational. Thoughtful honesty can be both clear and kind, fostering stronger relationships and making it more likely that people will listen. The trick is to focus on constructive feedback—keep your words centered on the behavior or issue rather than the person. Show empathy. Ask yourself, “If someone were saying this to me, how would I want to hear it?” These small changes don’t dilute the truth; they just make it more palatable and productive. This approach allows us to maintain our values and integrity while also making a positive impact on others. This approach is nothing new. Stoics like Marcus Aurelius and Epictetus practiced virtues that balanced truth with compassion, valuing honesty while recognizing the importance of empathy and respect in every interaction. If a Roman Emperor could prioritize this, surely we can too. Practical Tips for Practicing Self-Aware Authenticity Here are a few ways to practice honest, authentic self-expression while remaining open to growth: Pause and Reflect: Before speaking, consider whether your words are aimed at helping or simply venting. A quick pause can save a lot of pain. Use “I” Statements: Frame your opinions as personal perspectives rather than universal truths. This small change keeps the conversation open rather than shutting it down. Set Intentions: Make sure that your honesty has a positive purpose, whether it’s to provide constructive feedback, share insight, or offer support. Seek Feedback: Authenticity doesn’t mean we’re always right. Be open to how others perceive your honesty and be willing to adjust if necessary to be both true to yourself and considerate. A Tool for Connection, Not a Weapon Being true to ourselves is important, but we also have a responsibility to consider how our words and actions impact others. Authenticity isn’t about refusing to change; it’s about being honest enough with ourselves to acknowledge areas for improvement. When we balance honesty with kindness, we become the best version of ourselves—not just for our own benefit but for the benefit of those around us. So, go ahead—be authentic. Be honest. But let your authenticity reflect growth, kindness, and a genuine intention to connect. That’s the kind of “authentic self” that truly inspires and empowers others.

Gratitude practices have been all the rage lately—and for good reason. Studies show that cultivating gratitude can have profound effects on mental health, emotional well-being, and even physical health. Whether it’s a written list, a moment of reflection, or a heartfelt expression of thanks, gratitude shifts our mindset from what we lack to what we have. But after years of trying various gratitude techniques, I’ve landed on a new practice that has been more impactful for me than anything else. The Benefits of a Gratitude Practice Research on gratitude continues to back up what many people have long known—taking time to be grateful can improve both mental and physical well-being. Studies from the Greater Good Science Center at UC Berkeley have shown that regularly practicing gratitude leads to significant increases in happiness and life satisfaction. In fact, a 2015 study found that people who wrote about gratitude were more optimistic and felt better about their lives. Gratitude practices also improve physical health. Those who take time to reflect on what they’re grateful for report fewer physical ailments, better sleep, and even lower blood pressure. It seems the simple act of focusing on positive aspects of life can drastically change how we feel, both mentally and physically. When Is the Best Time to Practice Gratitude—Morning or Night? A common question I’ve explored over the years is whether it’s more effective to practice gratitude in the morning, to set the tone for the day, or at night, as a way of debriefing before bed. Research supports the benefits of both. Practicing gratitude in the morning can prime your mind for optimism, helping you approach the day with a positive mindset. Starting your day with gratitude has been shown to reduce stress and boost resilience. On the flip side, gratitude at night allows you to reflect on your day and reframe any challenges with a more positive perspective. A 2011 study found that people who wrote gratitude lists before bed reported better sleep and woke up feeling more refreshed. For me, both morning and night practices have their advantages. I’ve tried both approaches over the years, and while both are beneficial, my current practice leans heavily toward the morning to kickstart my day. Verbal, Mental, or Written Gratitude: Which Is Best? Another question I’ve explored is the how of practicing gratitude. Should you say it aloud, think it silently, or write it down? The answer depends on your personality and preferences. Verbal expressions of gratitude, whether thanking someone in person or speaking to yourself, have the added benefit of strengthening relationships and building connections. Research from the Journal of Positive Psychology found that receiving or witnessing expressions of gratitude can improve mood and emotional well-being. Mental gratitude, where you silently reflect on things you’re thankful for, can be powerful in shifting your mindset. This quiet introspection helps to reshape your internal dialogue. Written gratitude tends to be the most effective. Writing forces you to articulate and organize your thoughts, making the practice more concrete. Robert Emmons, one of the world’s leading gratitude researchers, found that those who keep gratitude journals experience long-lasting improvements in well-being, with some reporting a 10% increase in happiness. My Journey Through Various Gratitude Practices Over the years, I’ve experimented with each of these methods. I’ve done gratitude journaling at night, mental reflections in the morning, and verbal expressions whenever I felt compelled to thank someone. They all had positive impacts, but over time, I found that some practices became routine and less impactful. I needed something new to keep the benefits fresh and meaningful. That’s when I discovered a new method from Phil Stutz’s The Tools, and it has become my favorite—and most effective—gratitude practice yet. Here’s how my new practice works: every morning, I start my meditation with five minutes of focused gratitude. In those five minutes, I think of five new things to be grateful for—one for each minute. The key is that these things must be new. Once I’ve expressed gratitude for something, I can’t repeat it. This forces me to focus deeply and think carefully about what I’m grateful for. Why This Practice Stands Out This approach has made a huge difference in my life. The deep focus required ensures that I’m truly engaging with the gratitude I’m expressing. I’m not just going through the motions. The rule of never repeating the same thing twice means I can’t fall into the trap of routine or surface-level gratitude. Each morning, I have to dig deeper. Another powerful aspect of this practice is that in having to find five new things every day, it effectively means that they all come from the previous day. This essentially rewrites my memory of the day before. No matter what might have gone wrong, I sit for five minutes each morning and focus solely on the best moments from the day. As a result, my memory of life is increasingly positive—every day becomes a great day when I look back. Because I know I’ll need to find five things to be grateful for each morning, this practice has shifted how I experience my day. I’m constantly on the lookout for things to appreciate—whether it’s a meaningful conversation with a friend, a beautiful sunset, or the simple joy of playing silly games with my daughter during school lunch. This heightened awareness of life’s positive moments keeps me grounded in the present, focusing on what’s good rather than what could go wrong. It’s been transformative. I’m not just rewriting my memories to be more positive; I’m living each day more fully and with more joy. What’s Next While I’ve found this new method to be the most impactful gratitude practice for me, I believe that any form of gratitude can be transformative. Whether you try my approach or explore your own, the benefits of gratitude are undeniable. At Alively , we believe in the power of gratitude, which is why we incorporate it into what we offer, including through our partnership with Soul . Gratitude has the power to change lives, and I encourage everyone to explore how they can bring more of it into their daily routines. So, as I wrap up, I have to ask: What are you grateful for today?