An Exercise in Patience
I was in the coffee shop at a local hotel on a Sunday morning when I witnessed a man losing his patience. He was yelling at the people behind the counter because his bagel was taking too long.
It was a beautiful day, and the hotel was in a tropical location. There was no rush to go anywhere, and the man was already in an incredible environment. But he was so focused on getting his bagel that he was unable to enjoy the moment.
This reminded me of when we first moved to Bermuda. Being used to the hustle and bustle of a bigger city, I initially had a hard time adjusting to "island time." Add to this that visitors are not allowed to rent cars, and you cannot even get a local license to be able to get a car as a resident until you have been here for a set period, and we found ourselves relying on the public bus system.
This was to travel anywhere: meetings, taking my daughter to school, groceries, anything. Being at the whims of public transport has its own challenges, but this was further compounded because we were in the throes of COVID at the time, meaning buses ran a more limited schedule, had limited capacity when they did run meaning you were not guaranteed a spot even when a bus did come, and that it seemed the bus drivers were on strike roughly 10% of the time.
Had I maintained my hurry up and wait attitude, I would have been miserable. However, I learned to embrace patience. It drove home for me Epictetus's teaching that "Some things are within our control, and some things are not. It is only after you have faced up to this fundamental rule and learned to distinguish between what you can and can’t control that inner tranquility and outer effectiveness become possible."
Rather than feel I was "wasting time" waiting for buses, I made sure I had my phone loaded with podcasts and audiobooks. This helped me not get frustrated, and maintain that inner tranquility. It was also likely no coincidence that I wrote my book Get Out of My Head that first year in Bermuda. By distinguishing between what I could and could not control, I became outwardly more effective in synthesizing and documenting my thinking, leading to a best-selling book.
All of it was a gift in teaching me to not just accept patience, but to embrace it and appreciate it. I will not pretend I am the Buddha or anything at this stage, but I am far more patient than when I first moved to Bermuda. And seeing those moments where a tourist loses his patience only helps. In the end, the servers were so busy trying to placate the yelling gentleman that they burned his bagel. In losing his inner tranquility, he also undermined his outer effectiveness in getting a tasty breakfast. May it be a lesson us all.
Here are some tips for cultivating patience:
- Accept that some things are out of your control. This is the first step to inner tranquility. Once you realize that you can't control everything, you can stop wasting your energy getting upset about it.
- Focus on the present moment. When you're feeling impatient, it's easy to get caught up in thoughts about the past or the future. But the only thing you can control is the present moment. So, take a few deep breaths and focus on what you're doing right now.
- Be kind to yourself. Everyone loses their patience from time to time. Don't beat yourself up if you do. Just learn from the experience and move on.
- Find ways to relax and de-stress. When you're feeling stressed, it's harder to be patient. So, make sure you're taking care of yourself both physically and mentally. Exercise, meditation, breathwork, and spending time in nature are all great ways to relax and de-stress.
Patience is a skill that takes time and practice to develop (i.e., patience!). It is also a skill that is worth cultivating. Patience helps us reduce stress, improves our relationships, and helps us achieve our goals. So, next time you're feeling impatient, take a breath and question: what is the actual rush?









