The body content of your post goes here. To edit this text, click on it and delete this default text and start typing your own or paste your own from a different source.

In the Victorian era, the wealthiest members of society often had the shortest life expectancies. Why? Ironically, it was their access to money that contributed to their early demise. Wealth enabled them to chase every snake oil cure, elixir of youth, or extreme health treatment pitched by hucksters of the time. Their eagerness to invest in what they thought would extend their lives often resulted in harmful consequences. Hearing this on a recent podcast reminded me of a passage from the Tao Te Ching: "Covetousness brings ruin Recognizing sufficiency and knowing when to stop Avoids these consequences And ensures longevity." As someone who keeps a close eye on cutting-edge healthspan and longevity science, this wisdom hit close to home. I’ve tried my share of modern "elixirs"—rapamycin, NMN, NAD+, and urolithin A to name a few. While promising, these often come with a glaring lack of long-term data, especially for people who are otherwise healthy. The truth is, I already focus heavily on the core pillars of longevity: fitness, nutrition, sleep, mindset, and social connection. So, I had to ask myself: Are these pills truly necessary, or could they be more harmful than helpful? Am I, like the wealthy Victorians, so focused on doing more for my longevity that I risk undermining it? A History of Overdoing It Throughout history, people have sought to cheat death, often to disastrous effect. In Victorian times, the wealthy elite chased youth through dubious tonics, extreme diets, and dangerous medical treatments. Many of these so-called cures contained harmful substances like mercury, arsenic, or opium. Their trust in these unproven methods did not extend their lives—instead, it often shortened them. Fast forward to today, and while the tonics look different, the mindset remains the same. We’re bombarded by health fads, supplements, and biohacking trends promising to extend our lives and optimize our performance. From peptides to gene-editing techniques, the allure of "magic pills" persists. Modern interventions like GLP-1 inhibitors (e.g., semaglutide or liraglutide) are one example. Originally developed to treat diabetes, they’ve gained widespread attention as powerful weight-loss drugs. Some now speculate about their potential longevity benefits, but the long-term effects—especially for healthy individuals—remain unknown. Could these drugs, which alter natural metabolic pathways, do more harm than good in the pursuit of healthspan? The Modern Magic Pill Mentality Today’s health-conscious individuals often find themselves seduced by the latest trends in longevity science. I’m no exception. I’ve experimented with a host of supplements, from NMN to rapamycin, all while keeping up with the latest studies and theories. But I’ve come to realize that while these interventions may hold promise, their true effects—both good and bad—will likely take decades to understand. For those of us already prioritizing fitness, balanced nutrition, quality sleep, mental well-being, and social connection, these experimental interventions may provide marginal gains at best. At worst, they could disrupt the natural balance of our bodies. This brings me back to the Tao Te Ching. The wisdom of "recognizing sufficiency and knowing when to stop" is just as relevant today as it was centuries ago. Sometimes, doing more can lead to less. Overloading the body with interventions or obsessing over optimization can create unnecessary stress—or worse, unintended harm. Knowing When More Is Less The paradox of longevity lies in this truth: More isn’t always better. Overdoing efforts to optimize health can backfire, just as it did for the wealthy Victorians. Here are some examples: Overtraining in fitness can lead to chronic injuries, burnout, and hormonal imbalances. Extreme diets might cause nutrient deficiencies or disordered eating patterns. Excessive supplementation or pharmaceutical use , such as GLP-1 inhibitors by healthy individuals, might disrupt natural processes in ways we don’t yet fully understand.  The Tao Te Ching reminds us to focus on balance and sufficiency. Clarity and longevity come not from adding more but from recognizing when enough is enough. Focusing on the Fundamentals Amid all the noise about cutting-edge longevity science, it’s easy to overlook the basics—the “macros” of health that provide the greatest return on investment: Fitness : Consistent exercise tailored to your body’s needs. Nutrition : A balanced diet rich in whole, nutrient-dense foods. Sleep : Prioritizing rest and recovery for your body and mind. Mindset : Managing stress, fostering gratitude, and practicing mindfulness. Social Connection : Building and maintaining meaningful relationships. These five pillars form the foundation of long, healthy lives. No pill or intervention can replicate their cumulative benefits. After rereading the Tao Te Ching, I’ve begun to question whether my focus on experimental interventions distracts me from the fundamentals. Perhaps "recognizing sufficiency" in these pillars is the most powerful longevity strategy of all. Tactical Steps to Simplify Longevity Practices If you find yourself caught in the cycle of chasing the latest health trends, here are a few steps to recalibrate: Reassess Your Priorities : Ask yourself: Have I mastered the basics before adding supplements or interventions? Do Your Research : Evaluate the long-term evidence (or lack thereof) for any new treatment or supplement. Be skeptical of fads. Adopt a Minimalist Approach : Focus on what’s truly necessary. Eliminate complexity and stick to the essentials. Practice Reflection : Use mindfulness or journaling to assess whether your actions are aligned with your goals—or if they’re distractions. Know When to Stop : Learn to recognize when you’ve done enough. Resist the urge to constantly tweak or optimize. Recognizing Sufficiency as a Tool for Longevity The pursuit of longevity can be a double-edged sword. While science offers exciting possibilities, the wisdom of the Tao Te Ching reminds us of a deeper truth: Sometimes, the greatest gains come from knowing when to stop. The wealthy Victorians fell victim to their relentless pursuit of health, harming themselves in the process. Let’s not repeat their mistakes. Instead, let’s prioritize the fundamentals—fitness, nutrition, sleep, mindset, and connection—and pause before chasing the next "magic pill." So, I leave you with this question: What is one area in your own life where your efforts to improve might actually be holding you back?

Imagine standing by the edge of a river. The water is clear, and you can see the rocks and sand at the bottom. But then, someone steps into the river, stirring up the silt. The water becomes murky, and the ground below vanishes from sight. No matter how hard you squint, you can’t see through the cloudy water. But if you wait—if you remain still—the silt will settle, and the river will regain its clarity. This simple, natural process offers a profound metaphor for our lives. When we face challenges, uncertainty, or tough decisions, our instinct is to act. We stir the water, filling the time and space with activity—making plans, overthinking, doing something just to feel in control. But in doing so, we often cloud our own minds, losing sight of what truly lies below. The truth is, sometimes the most productive thing we can do is…nothing at all. The Human Impulse to Act In our modern world, busyness is often equated with success. Productivity gurus, social media, and even our own internal voices urge us to stay busy, to do more, and to never waste a moment. We live in a culture that celebrates action as the solution to every problem. When faced with uncertainty, we tend to fill the void with activity: When a relationship feels uncertain, we text, call, or demand answers instead of letting things breathe. When work becomes overwhelming, we create endless to-do lists, assuming that doing more will magically fix the situation. When tough decisions arise, we often leap into action to avoid the discomfort of waiting. Like the river, this constant stirring prevents us from seeing clearly. Our frantic efforts to fix, plan, or control only create more chaos. Instead of solving the problem, we end up muddying the waters further. The Power of Stillness Stillness is the antidote to this chaos. As Ryan Holiday writes in Stillness Is the Key, “Stillness is not about inactivity. It’s about presence and being intentional with your thoughts and actions.” Stillness allows us to step back, observe, and let the silt in our lives settle naturally. Stillness is not laziness or passivity. It is an active process of making space for clarity. When we stop stirring the river, we give ourselves the opportunity to see the ground beneath—the deeper truths of a situation, the emotions we’ve been avoiding, or the path forward that was previously hidden. Consider the leader who faces a tough decision. Instead of reacting impulsively, they take time to reflect. By allowing stillness to guide them, they uncover insights they might have missed in the chaos of immediate action. Or think of a personal moment when a problem resolved itself after you stepped back and stopped forcing a solution. In my own life, I’ve often found clarity during quiet, reflective moments. Whether it’s sitting in silence or swimming in the ocean without distractions, these pauses help me reconnect with what truly matters. My mind clears, and the answers I was searching for tend to emerge naturally. Lessons from Nature and Philosophy The analogy of the muddy river reflects a truth found in both nature and ancient philosophy. In Taoism, the concept of wu wei—often translated as “non-action”—teaches us that the best results often come from allowing things to unfold naturally, without forcing outcomes.  Stoicism echoes this wisdom. Marcus Aurelius, the Roman emperor and Stoic philosopher, wrote in his Meditations: “A wise person does nothing against their will, nothing with the intent to harm, and nothing without careful consideration.” Both Taoism and Stoicism remind us that clarity comes not from controlling everything, but from letting go and observing with patience. Nature itself thrives on this principle. Rivers clear when left undisturbed. Ecosystems find balance when humans step back. The natural state often knows how to restore itself if we allow it the time and space to do so. Practical Steps to Embrace Stillness Cultivating stillness in a world of relentless activity can feel challenging, but it’s entirely possible with intention. Here are some practical steps to help you embrace stillness in your life: Pause Before Acting When faced with a tough decision, resist the urge to act immediately. Sit with the discomfort of uncertainty and give yourself time to reflect. Ask yourself: Is this action necessary, or am I doing it to fill the void? Create Space for Reflection Schedule regular “empty” time in your day. This could be as simple as 10 minutes of sitting quietly, journaling, or meditating. Protect this time from distractions. Observe Without Judgment Practice mindfulness by observing your thoughts without trying to control or fix them. Let your mind settle, like the silt in the river, and see what emerges naturally. Step Back from Overplanning Let go of the need to map out every detail or solve every problem immediately. Trust that some answers will reveal themselves in their own time. Find Solitude in Nature Spend time outdoors without your phone, music, or podcasts. Listen to the wind, watch the trees sway, and allow yourself to feel the stillness of the natural world. A World of Frantic Activity In a society that glorifies busyness, embracing stillness can feel countercultural. Yet it is in these moments of non-action that we find our greatest clarity. Constant activity clouds our vision and leaves us disconnected from ourselves and the world around us. The next time you’re tempted to act, ask yourself: Is this truly necessary, or am I stirring the water out of habit? Remember that stillness is not about doing nothing—it’s about allowing clarity to arise naturally. The muddy river clears when left undisturbed. So, too, do our minds and lives. By embracing stillness, we can uncover deeper truths, make wiser decisions, and reconnect with a sense of peace and purpose. In a world of constant activity, the most profound action we can take is sometimes no action at all.

When we hear the word “stress,” it’s usually with a negative connotation. Stress has been cast as the ultimate villain in the story of health and well-being, blamed for everything from sleepless nights to serious health conditions. But what if I told you that stress isn’t always the enemy? In fact, small, manageable doses of stress—whether physical, emotional, or environmental—might actually be one of the keys to resilience, growth, and even longevity. This idea is rooted in a concept called hormesis, which suggests that low-level stressors can toughen us up, activating the body’s natural defenses and preparing us to handle bigger challenges down the road. Stress, in this sense, becomes less of an obstacle and more of a training partner. The Science of Hormesis Hormesis is a fancy term for something we’ve likely all experienced: a little bit of adversity can make us stronger. Biologically, it’s the phenomenon where small doses of something that could be harmful in large amounts actually benefit us. Think of it like a vaccine—introducing a small amount of a pathogen to build immunity. In terms of longevity, hormetic stressors like mild heat exposure, calorie restriction, or physical exercise trigger survival mechanisms in the body. These mechanisms activate repair processes, improve cellular function, and, in some cases, extend lifespan. Take caloric restriction, for example. By periodically eating less (or fasting), organisms from yeast to humans activate a survival response that improves resilience. Studies show that this kind of “dietary stress” stimulates cellular repair mechanisms, increases stress resistance, and can promote a longer, healthier life. It’s one of the reasons I personally do several multi-day fasts each year—they aren’t easy, but the payoff for my body feels worth it. Exercise: The Classic Hormetic Stressor Exercise is the most familiar form of hormetic stress. Everyone knows that working out puts stress on your body: your muscles ache, your heart races, and your body burns energy. But here’s the thing: this temporary stress pushes your body to adapt. Over time, regular exercise strengthens your muscles, improves cardiovascular health, and even boosts your brain function. What’s more, this stress teaches your body to deal with oxidative damage—a natural byproduct of energy production. Exercise essentially trains your body to repair itself better and faster, making you more resilient not only in the gym but in life. Emotional and Psychological Stress: The Unexpected Ally Not all stress comes from the gym or the dinner plate. Life throws plenty of emotional and psychological curveballs our way, and while chronic stress can be harmful, short-term, manageable stressors can actually help us grow. Take the concept of post-traumatic growth. People who’ve faced adversity often come out the other side stronger, with a deeper appreciation for life, stronger relationships, and a sense of resilience. Edith Eger, a Holocaust survivor and psychologist, is one of the most inspiring examples of this. She credits her long and fulfilling life to her ability to accept and grow from the extreme hardships she endured. As she puts it, you don’t need to run from past pain—you can learn from it and use it to move forward. The lesson here? We don’t have to avoid all emotional stress. In fact, leaning into manageable challenges—whether it’s public speaking, taking on a new project, or having a tough conversation—can build confidence and emotional endurance. Environmental Stressors: Hot and Cold for Health Then there’s the stress we can’t see, but can feel—like exposure to heat or cold. These environmental stressors might sound uncomfortable (and they can be), but they can also kickstart powerful adaptive responses. For instance, sauna sessions and cold showers—two extremes of the temperature spectrum—have been shown to improve cardiovascular health and increase stress tolerance. That initial discomfort you feel is your body gearing up its defenses. Over time, it learns to handle stress better, making you tougher both physically and mentally. Dynamic Equilibrium: Finding Your Personal Stress Sweet Spot Here’s the catch: the right amount of stress isn’t the same for everyone, and even for you, it can change over time. This isn’t about finding a static balance; it’s about achieving a dynamic equilibrium—a state where the level of stress you face matches what you’re equipped to handle at any given moment. Some days, you might be ready for a high-intensity workout or a tough mental challenge. Other days, the best you can do might be a short walk or a deep breath. Both are okay. The key is recognizing where you are in that moment and adjusting accordingly. Dynamic equilibrium is about flexibility. It’s knowing that what worked for you last year, last week, or even yesterday might not be the right fit today. It’s about listening to your body and mind, respecting your limits, and embracing stress in doses that challenge you without overwhelming you. Practical Ways to Use Stress for Good Move Your Body Exercise doesn’t have to mean grueling workouts. Start with something sustainable—walks, yoga, or light strength training—and gradually increase intensity. Let your body adapt and grow stronger over time. Eat Less (Sometimes) Consider intermittent fasting or a few calorie-restricted meals under guidance. It’s not about starving yourself but giving your body the occasional stress of working harder to maintain itself. Face Life’s Challenges Head-On Avoiding stress altogether isn’t the goal. Instead, face manageable challenges with tools like mindfulness, therapy, or journaling. Every small victory builds your resilience for the bigger battles. Try Temperature Therapy Brave a cold shower or relax in a sauna. It’s uncomfortable at first, but over time, these environmental stressors can improve your tolerance for discomfort—and your overall health. Stress: A Tool for a Better Life When we rethink stress, we see it not as the enemy but as an ally in disguise. Small, manageable stressors—physical, emotional, or environmental—can strengthen us, build resilience, and ultimately, help us live longer, healthier lives. The trick is in the approach: embrace stress in doses that challenge you without overwhelming you. In doing so, you’ll discover that stress doesn’t have to be a constant battle. Instead, it can be the quiet partner that pushes you to be better, stronger, and more adaptable. So, next time you feel the pinch of stress, don’t run from it. Instead, ask yourself: what is this teaching me? How can this help me grow? You might just find that the stress you once dreaded is actually the key to a better, longer life.

Valentine’s Day may bring to mind chocolates, roses, and candlelit dinners, but love is more than just a fleeting romantic gesture. It turns out, being in a loving relationship isn’t just good for your heart in the figurative sense—it’s also good for your health, literally. From reducing stress to improving longevity, the benefits of love are backed by science, showing that those emotional connections we value so much can also help us live longer and healthier lives. Here’s how love, when it’s healthy and supportive, works its magic on our bodies and minds. Love Lowers Stress Stress, the bad kind, can wreak havoc on our health, contributing to issues like inflammation, high blood pressure, and even a weakened immune system. But love can act as a natural stress reliever. Research shows that people in stable, supportive relationships tend to have lower levels of cortisol, the body’s primary stress hormone. When we feel supported and valued by a partner, our bodies don’t enter the same “fight-or-flight” mode that chronic stress triggers. Something as simple as holding hands with a loved one can significantly lower stress and make us feel calmer. Physical touch, like a hug or even sitting close to someone, also plays a role here. It activates pressure receptors in the skin, which send calming signals to the brain. Ever notice how a hug can instantly make a bad day feel better? That’s love doing its thing, one embrace at a time. Love and Your Heart Love isn’t just about warm, fuzzy feelings—it’s also good for your cardiovascular system. Studies have found that people in loving relationships often have lower blood pressure and a reduced risk of heart disease. One reason for this is emotional support. A partner who listens, encourages, or simply shares the load can help alleviate the stress that often strains the heart. Additionally, people in relationships are more likely to adopt healthier habits, like exercising, eating well, and quitting smoking, often thanks to a little nudge (or occasional nag) from their significant other. When you’re in a healthy relationship, your partner becomes part of your team, actively contributing to your overall health. And that teamwork can do wonders for your heart, both emotionally and physically. The Role of Oxytocin Oxytocin is often called the “love hormone.” It’s released during moments of intimacy—think cuddling, kissing, or even just sharing a good laugh—and it’s a key player in bonding and trust. But oxytocin isn’t just about feeling close to your partner. It also has powerful stress-reducing properties. It lowers blood pressure, soothes anxiety, and fosters feelings of safety and well-being. Essentially, oxytocin acts like a biological shield, helping us feel more secure and resilient in the face of life’s challenges. When oxytocin flows, we’re better equipped to handle emotional or physical stress. This means love doesn’t just make us feel better in the moment—it also strengthens our ability to bounce back when life throws curveballs. Love and Longevity If you’ve ever heard that married people live longer, it’s not just a myth—it’s science. Research consistently shows that people in long-term, loving relationships tend to have longer lifespans. One reason is the cumulative effect of all the health benefits we’ve talked about: reduced stress, better heart health, and stronger resilience. But there’s also a practical side. Partners often act as each other’s health advocates, noticing early warning signs of illness or encouraging timely medical care. For instance, how many times has a spouse or partner insisted their loved one get that odd mole checked or see a doctor about a persistent cough? Those little nudges can literally save lives. Beyond that, companionship itself provides an emotional safety net. Knowing you have someone in your corner can bring a sense of purpose and stability, both of which are tied to greater well-being. The Catch: It’s About Healthy Relationships Of course, not all relationships are created equal. A toxic or unsupportive relationship can do the opposite of all this, raising stress levels and even harming your health. It’s the quality of the connection that matters. Healthy relationships are built on communication, empathy, and mutual respect. They’re don’t need to be perfect—no relationship is—but they need to involve both partners putting in the effort to support one another, even when times get tough. If you’re in a relationship, take time to nurture it. Small gestures of kindness, like a heartfelt compliment or an unexpected hug, can strengthen your bond and amplify the health benefits of your connection. And if you’re not currently in a romantic relationship, don’t worry—many of these benefits can also come from close friendships or family bonds.  Love as Medicine Love, in all its forms, isn’t just good for the soul—it’s good for the body, too. From lowering stress to improving heart health and even adding years to our lives, science confirms what we’ve always felt: love matters. So this Valentine’s Day, as you celebrate with your partner or simply reflect on the love in your life, remember that those connections are powerful. They’re not just making you feel good—they’re making you healthier and stronger, too. Take a moment to appreciate the people who lift you up and, if you’re lucky enough to have someone special, share a little extra love. After all, love might just be the best prescription for a longer, healthier life.

What is the meaning of life? Who am I? These two questions have haunted humanity for centuries, whispered in moments of quiet reflection and shouted into the void in times of crisis. They seem to suggest that there is something waiting out there—something singular, absolute, and universal—just waiting to be uncovered. If only we look hard enough, the thinking goes, we will find the meaning of life and the truth of who we are. But what if we’ve been asking the wrong questions all along? In The Hitchhiker’s Guide to the Galaxy , Douglas Adams hilariously illustrates this point. When the supercomputer Deep Thought is asked to determine the "Answer to the Ultimate Question of Life, the Universe, and Everything," it arrives at the answer: 42. The problem? No one knows what the "Ultimate Question" really is. The absurdity underscores something profound: meaning isn’t handed to us on a silver platter. Often, the questions we ask shape the answers we receive—or reveal that perhaps we’re looking in the wrong place altogether. The Traditional Quest for Meaning and Identity When people ponder the meaning of life, it’s often in the hope of discovering something universal and immutable. Some look to biology, suggesting life’s purpose lies in survival or passing on our genes. Others find purpose in leaving the world a better place or following spiritual beliefs about divine plans. This quest for a singular truth feels comforting—a sense that there’s a cosmic instruction manual waiting to be uncovered. The same is true for identity. From Shakespeare’s famous line "To thine own self be true" to modern self-help mantras about "finding your true self," we’re encouraged to believe there’s a core, unchanging "you" out there. The message is clear: if you haven’t figured out who you are, you need to go looking. This perspective, though common, has its pitfalls. Searching for a universal meaning or a fixed self can become a passive exercise, leaving us frustrated if the answers remain elusive. And what if the answers don’t resonate? What if the "truths" we uncover feel disconnected from who we are—or worse, irrelevant? The Alternative: Creating Meaning and Identity Here’s a liberating idea: what if there is no singular meaning of life, no fixed "you" waiting to be found? Instead, what if the meaning of life and the essence of who we are is something we actively create? When we stop searching for one-size-fits-all answers, we open ourselves up to infinite possibilities. The meaning of life isn’t out there, sitting in some cosmic archive; it’s something we give to our experiences, our relationships, and our choices. Viktor Frankl, a Holocaust survivor and psychiatrist, argued in Man’s Search for Meaning that meaning is not discovered in some abstract sense but is forged in how we respond to life’s challenges. The same is true for identity. Who we are isn’t a singular truth waiting to be uncovered but an ever-evolving combination of our genes, experiences, values, and choices. To say "this is who I am" ignores the dynamic nature of life. The "you" of today isn’t the same as the "you" of five years ago or even five months ago. We’re not static sculptures; we’re works in progress, shaped by the decisions we make and the paths we take. Reframing the Questions Douglas Adams’ Hitchhiker’s Guide reminds us that sometimes the questions matter more than the answers. If "What is the meaning of life?" feels too broad or unanswerable, perhaps we should ask better questions: What gives my life meaning today? What can I contribute to the people and world around me? What small acts bring joy, purpose, or connection to my life? Similarly, instead of asking, Who am I?, we might ask: Who do I want to be? What values do I want to embody? What kind of person do I want to become through my actions and choices? These reframed questions put the power back in our hands. Instead of searching for meaning or identity like a hidden treasure, we can actively shape them in ways that resonate with our unique experiences and aspirations. Practical Steps for Creating Meaning and Identity Reflect and Reevaluate Set aside time regularly to reflect on what truly matters to you. Use prompts like: What do I value most right now? What legacy do I want to build? Be open to change—what mattered last year might not matter now, and that’s okay. Adopt an Active Role Life gains meaning through action. Pursue passions, nurture relationships, and focus on small, tangible ways to create purpose. The same goes for identity: define your values, make conscious choices, and embrace growth. Balance Authenticity with Growth Being true to yourself doesn’t mean staying stagnant. Embrace your current self while allowing space to evolve. We’re not prisoners of our past identities—we’re dynamic beings with the power to change. The Challenges and Rewards of Creation Creating meaning and identity isn’t always easy. It takes effort, self-reflection, and the courage to embrace uncertainty. Yet, these challenges are what make the journey so transformative. The rewards are profound: the empowerment of living with intention, the freedom to chart your own path, and the fulfillment of a life defined on your own terms. When we ask questions like What is the meaning of life? or Who am I?, we can easily fall into an endless search for answers. But, as The Hitchhiker’s Guide to the Galaxy reminds us, perhaps the "answer" itself isn’t the point. What matters is the questions we ask and the meaning we create in response. Life doesn’t come with a universal purpose, and that’s not a failure—it’s an invitation to craft our own. You are not bound by a singular truth about who you are or why you exist. Instead, you hold the extraordinary power to define and redefine both meaning and identity as you grow. So, what question will you choose to answer with your life? Whatever it is, make it yours. Let it guide your actions and infuse your days with purpose, connection, and joy. After all, maybe the real secret is this: your "42" isn’t discovered—it’s created, one choice, one moment, one question at a time.

Imagine spending decades working toward a goal, pouring your heart and soul into it, and then finally achieving it—only to realize it was never what you truly wanted. This isn't the fear of failure; it's the fear of succeeding at the wrong thing. It's the fear of waking up one day, surrounded by accomplishments that don’t resonate with your inner self. This is a story about a friend of mine. By all external metrics, he’s the most successful person I know: a graduate of the best schools, an incredible athlete, financially secure, and blessed with a loving, expansive family. Yet, in his mid-40s, he came to a sobering realization: his accomplishments were largely shaped by what others wanted for him, not what he genuinely desired. For years, he had lived striving to make his parents proud, chasing the validation of others, and neglecting the hard work of asking himself, What do I really want? His story hit me hard. As a parent, I can’t shake the fear of unintentionally steering my daughter down the same path—one where she spends years working toward something only to discover it wasn’t hers to pursue. The Picture of Success and the Shadow Behind It My friend’s life seems like a dream from the outside. He has checked off every box on the “success list.” But that very checklist was the problem: it wasn’t his. His well-meaning parents, like many of us, had created a roadmap they believed would lead to a good life, and he followed it diligently. In conversations with him, I learned the issue for him came not from a lack of achievement but from the realization that he’d been living someone else’s dream. For all the success, he felt disconnected. He admitted he never took the time to figure out what made him happy because he was too busy making others happy. A Personal Fear and a Parenting Revelation That story left me with a nagging worry. As a parent, how do I ensure I’m not unknowingly nudging my daughter toward a life where she feels obligated to live for me or my expectations? One day, while driving with her, this fear surfaced in an unexpected way. She casually said, “I have to swim because you and Mommy were swimmers.” My heart sank. I immediately stopped her: “You don’t have to do anything because of us. This is your life, not ours.” She looked at me, puzzled. I explained that swimming was something her mom and I chose for our lives because we loved it. But she wasn’t here to fulfill our dreams. Her job wasn’t to make us happy; it was to find what she loved and pursue that. It was a pivotal moment, but it didn’t stop there. I realized the conversation couldn’t end with, Do what makes you happy. I had to guide her to the next level: Why do you want it? The “Why” Behind the Want The truth is, even with good intentions, it’s easy to get caught up in pursuing what we think we want—only to find out later it was driven by external expectations. This is why I’m trying to teach my daughter, even at nine years old, to ask why. Why does she want to do X? Why does she want to excel in school or any other activity? At her age, it’s unlikely she’ll have all the answers. But the practice of asking why is essential. It’s a skill that can prevent her from chasing someone else’s dreams and help her build a life that feels authentic. As adults, many of us never learned this skill. We don’t stop to ask why until we’re already well down a path that doesn’t feel quite right. And while it’s never too late to course-correct, the earlier we start this work, the better. The Danger of Deferring Self-Discovery My friend’s story is a cautionary tale. He’s a living example of what happens when you don’t do the internal work to figure out what you truly want. Instead, you default to living for external validation, whether from parents, society, or peers. The longer you defer this self-discovery, the harder it becomes to disentangle your own desires from those imposed by others. As I reflect on his experience, I can’t help but think about how easily this could happen to my daughter—or to me. It’s not enough to set goals or define success. We have to continuously ask ourselves if those goals are aligned with our values and passions. A Call to Action: Start Now The good news is that it’s never too late—or too early—to start this process. The best time to discover your true desires and motivations might have been when you were nine, but the second-best time is now. Whether you’re guiding a child or reflecting on your own path, here are some steps to start: 1. Ask the Hard Questions: Regularly pause to ask yourself (or your child), Why do I want this? What do I hope it will bring me? These questions help clarify whether the pursuit is driven by genuine desire or external pressures. 2. Embrace Iterative Discovery: Finding your path is not a one-time event; it’s an ongoing process. Encourage curiosity and the courage to change course when something doesn’t feel right. 3. Let Go of External Validation: It’s natural to want approval from loved ones, but fulfillment comes from aligning your actions with your own values—not theirs.  4. Model the Journey for Others: As parents, mentors, or friends, the best way to help others find their path is to show them what it looks like to walk yours authentically. The tragedy isn’t failing to reach your goals. The true tragedy is spending years climbing a mountain, only to find it wasn’t the right one. My friend’s story serves as a powerful reminder that success without alignment to one’s true self is hollow. Whether you’re nine or ninety, the journey of self-discovery is always worth taking. As parents, partners, or individuals, our responsibility is to build lives that feel honest and fulfilling—not to chase someone else’s version of success. Start today, ask yourself why, and never stop exploring the answers. Your life—and your happiness—depend on it.

When I first came across the concept of “excellentism” in Future Tense: Why Anxiety is Good for You (Even Though it Feels Bad) by Tracy Dennis-Tiwary, it felt like a lightbulb moment. I had always been familiar with perfectionism—many of us are. But excellentism? The distinction struck a chord. It immediately resonated as a healthier, more sustainable alternative to the pitfalls of perfectionism, and it helped me better articulate the mindset I’ve been striving to embrace. Perfectionism is something my parents told me I struggled with as a child. Back then, I couldn’t leave a project alone until every detail was polished. Today, though, I feel worlds away from that mindset. Maybe it’s because I found my way into the startup world, where “shipped is better than perfect” reigns as gospel. Or maybe my evolved approach to life naturally led me to startups. Either way, I no longer feel trapped by perfectionism, and excellentism has given me the vocabulary to explain why. Excellentism, at its core, isn’t about settling for “good enough,” but about embracing the process of continual improvement. It’s the idea of “perfect” not as a fixed goal but as a verb—something active and ongoing. It’s an approach that aligns with the 80/20 principle of the Pareto Rule, where 80% of the results come from 20% of the effort. While I don’t believe in stopping at that 80%, I also recognize that chasing perfection is often more draining than productive. Understanding Perfectionism Perfectionism is the relentless pursuit of flawlessness, and it’s easy to fall into its trap. It’s the voice in your head that tells you nothing is good enough unless it’s perfect—a voice that often drives procrastination, burnout, and self-doubt. Here’s the problem: perfectionism isn’t just about high standards; it’s often rooted in fear. Fear of failure. Fear of judgment. Fear of losing control. This mindset equates self-worth with achievements, and anything less than perfection can feel like a personal shortcoming. As a child, I remember being consumed by this need to get everything “just right.” It was paralyzing at times, making it difficult to finish projects or even start them. As I grew, I realized the cost of this mindset. It wasn’t sustainable. Enter Excellentism Where perfectionism demands flawlessness, excellentism offers something more liberating: progress. Excellentism is about striving for excellence through ongoing effort and refinement, not by achieving an impossible ideal. The key distinction is that perfectionism views “perfect” as a static and unattainable end state, while excellentism sees it as an active process—a verb, not a noun. It’s about continuous improvement and embracing growth rather than being paralyzed by the fear of imperfection. In my book, Get Out of My Head, I wrote about rejecting “perfect” as an end state and instead focusing on the idea of progress. This philosophy aligns seamlessly with excellentism. It encourages us to do our best, learn from setbacks, and keep moving forward—without letting the pursuit of flawlessness hold us back. Why Excellentism is Better Excellentism isn’t just a softer alternative to perfectionism—it’s a more productive and fulfilling way to live and work. Here’s why: It Encourages Growth Excellentism emphasizes improvement over time. It celebrates the journey rather than fixating on an elusive finish line. It Boosts Productivity By prioritizing meaningful progress, excellentism aligns with the Pareto Principle, which suggests that 80% of the results come from 20% of the effort. It allows us to focus on high-impact work without getting bogged down by diminishing returns. It Builds Resilience Excellentism accepts that mistakes are part of the process. Instead of fearing failure, it encourages us to see setbacks as opportunities to learn and grow. It Fosters Creativity The freedom to experiment and iterate—hallmarks of excellentism—creates a fertile ground for innovation. Perfectionism vs. Excellentism: A Comparison Here’s a quick breakdown of how the two mindsets differ:  How to Embrace Excellentism Whether you’re working to counter perfectionist tendencies or looking to up your game, here are some practical ways to incorporate excellentism into your life: Reframe Your Goals Shift your focus from flawless outcomes to consistent progress. Celebrate incremental improvements and milestones along the way. Adopt the Pareto Principle Identify the 20% of work that delivers 80% of the results. Start there and refine as needed rather than exhausting yourself on diminishing returns. Practice Iterative Progress Break larger projects into smaller, manageable steps. Treat each step as an opportunity to refine and improve. Celebrate Small Wins Acknowledge effort and progress rather than fixating solely on outcomes. This builds momentum and keeps you motivated. Seek Feedback Early and Often Don’t wait for perfection before sharing your work. Feedback helps refine your efforts and reinforces the value of collaboration. Develop a Growth Mindset Embrace challenges and view them as opportunities to learn. A growth mindset is the foundation of excellentism. Redefine “Perfect” Stop chasing an unattainable ideal. Instead, see “perfect” as a verb—a process of continual improvement. Why This Matters In today’s fast-paced world, perfectionism is fueled by social media, constant comparison, and unrealistic expectations. Excellentism offers a counterbalance—a way to aim high without losing yourself in the process. It’s not about settling; it’s about growing. Reflecting on my own journey, I realize how far I’ve come from the child who agonized over perfection. Excellentism has helped me embrace the beauty of progress and the joy of striving for excellence without the weight of fear. If you’ve struggled with perfectionism or feel stuck in a cycle of “good enough,” consider embracing excellentism. It’s not about lowering your standards but shifting your focus to growth and momentum. Excellence isn’t a destination; it’s a journey. And every step forward is worth celebrating.

Parenting is a delicate dance. It often begins with a desire to protect, to shield, to ensure the best for our children. Yet, as I reflect on two thought-provoking books I read over the holidays—The Coddling of the American Mind by Greg Lukianoff and Jonathan Haidt, and Future Tense: Why Anxiety is Good for You (Even Though it Feels Bad) by Tracy Dennis-Tiwary—I’m beginning to wonder if our good intentions might be getting in the way.  Both books make a compelling case for how shielding children from discomfort and stress, while coming from a place of love, can inadvertently stunt their growth. They argue that children are “antifragile,” a concept from Nassim Taleb that suggests humans don’t just endure stress but actually grow stronger through it. When we deny our children the chance to face challenges, we rob them of the critical developmental opportunities they need to thrive in the real world. Overprotection vs. Preparedness As a parent, it’s easy to fall into the trap of overprotection. After all, keeping our kids safe feels like the ultimate act of love. But The Coddling of the American Mind points out how this protective instinct can lead to unintended consequences. By cushioning children from all forms of adversity—whether that’s emotional discomfort or the sting of failure—we deny them the chance to build resilience. Dennis-Tiwary’s Future Tense takes this further, emphasizing that anxiety, though unpleasant, plays an essential role in human development. It pushes us to problem-solve, adapt, and grow. Much like our immune systems need exposure to germs to build defenses, our minds need exposure to challenges to develop strength. Without it, we risk creating a generation unprepared for life’s inevitable difficulties. The Impact of Denying Stressors I think back to my own childhood—wide-open afternoons spent riding bikes with friends, exploring until the streetlights flickered on. My former father-in-law once told me about a two-week bike ride he and a friend took across the UK when they were just twelve. Compare that to today’s parenting culture, where some parents feel uneasy letting their kids play in the front yard unsupervised. Even in my own parenting journey, I catch glimpses of how these shifts manifest. Recently, I asked my nearly nine-year-old daughter what responsibility she would most like to have. Her answer? She wanted to ride the school bus—a routine rite of passage not so long ago but now, for many parents, a source of hesitation. It’s a small but telling example of how much we’ve come to underestimate our children’s ability to handle the world on their own. Why Stress is Good (in Moderation) Research consistently shows that stress isn’t inherently bad. In fact, moderate levels of stress are critical for building emotional regulation, problem-solving skills, and adaptability. When kids face challenges—whether it’s learning to ride a bike, studying for a tough test, or navigating a social conflict—they’re not just surviving; they’re growing. Taleb’s concept of antifragility underscores this beautifully. Resilience is often thought of as bouncing back from hardship, but antifragility goes a step further: it’s about becoming stronger because of it. When we remove all stressors, it’s like raising children in a sterile environment. Sure, they might avoid discomfort in the short term, but they also miss out on building the strength they’ll need for the long haul. Striking the Balance Of course, not all stress is helpful. Too much pressure—whether it’s academic, social, or emotional—can be harmful. The goal is to expose kids to challenges that are appropriate for their age and capacity. This might mean encouraging them to try out for a sports team, manage their homework independently, or solve minor disputes with friends on their own. Both books stress the importance of reframing failure as a growth opportunity. When kids stumble, our instinct is often to jump in and fix the problem. But what if we paused instead? What if we let them wrestle with the issue, offering support only when needed? This approach teaches them that they’re capable of overcoming obstacles—a lesson far more valuable than immediate comfort. Parenting in Action: Building Resilient Kids So how can we, as parents, foster antifragility while still protecting our kids from unnecessary harm? Here are a few actionable steps: Assign Responsibilities Give children tasks that build independence. Whether it’s cooking a simple meal, walking the dog, or riding the school bus, these moments build confidence and capability. Encourage Safe Risk-Taking Let them climb the tree, try the challenging hobby, or explore the neighborhood. Supervise when necessary but resist the urge to hover. Reframe Failure When things don’t go as planned, guide them in reflecting on what they’ve learned. Celebrate the effort, not just the outcome. Model Resilience Kids watch us closely. Show them how you handle stress, setbacks, and uncertainty. Talk openly about challenges and how you’re working through them. Reflecting on Generational Shifts It’s hard not to notice how much parenting norms have shifted over the decades. My generation grew up in an era of exploration and self-reliance, while today’s children often live within carefully curated schedules and monitored environments. While there’s no going back entirely—and perhaps some aspects of modern parenting are improvements—it’s worth reflecting on what we might have lost along the way. By fostering resilience and allowing kids to face controlled challenges, we’re not just preparing them for life beyond the bubble—we’re empowering them to thrive. The Long-Term Vision The world will challenge our children, whether we want it to or not. Our job isn’t to eliminate those challenges but to prepare our kids to meet them head-on. By introducing manageable stressors now, we help them grow into confident, capable adults who can navigate life’s ups and downs. Parenting will always be a balancing act. But perhaps the best way to protect our children is to let go a little, trusting in their antifragility and knowing that the struggles of today are the foundation for their strength tomorrow.